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I need Hilary Duff to teach me how to only gain weight in my ass
She honestly looks like a goddess
by Una Dabiero
The internet has been on a rampage because awkward Lizzie McGuire who just wanted to buy a bra is now thick as fuck. Like, she looks fantastic.
LOOK AT THAT BOOTY. I just want to know, how did she pull it off? She’s almost 30, a mom, and still so hot I want to pluck my eyes out with a fork.
Please explain to me how every time I lose 5 pounds, I go down two cup sizes and resemble a log in my yoga pants, but Hilary is somehow walking around like this:
An absolute beach goddess with curves in ALL the right places. I’m sure her hair doesn’t get limp like a bowl of semi-warm ramen noodles either.
She even looks THIS good in workout leggings. Like, please use me as your yoga mat I am not worthy:
Hilary, I know you’ll tell all the magazines its a healthy diet comprised only of flowery greens and squats. A fuck ton of them. And we all know its not plastic surgery, because it just looks SO RIGHT. But you can’t tell me that you don’t have some kind of secret. And honestly, every other woman on Earth who only makes gainz to her stomach and losses to her butt needs to know it.
Listen, if you promised the soul of your first three children to Cthulhu to look like this until you’re 40, I totally get it. I just need his number.