I’m not saying Mike Pence got his horse pregnant, but the timing is a little suspect

Mike Pence is a lot of things.

He’s the Vice President, a former governor from Indiana, and husband to a woman he calls Mother. Is he also a horse-fucker? Well, that’s up to you to decide.

Of course, I can’t say with certainty that Mike Pence has sexual relations with his horse. I don’t know it to be true, and to say it outright would be reckless and libelous. But the mysterious circumstances surrounding his horse’s pregnancy is suspect to say the least.

So it all started with this tweet:

Obviously, Twitter had a field day with the very weird quote. Like, why couldn’t he have just said, “Having a fun day at the ranch!” or something? I feel like he had this quote at the ready….

Mike Pence all but outright says via Reagan quote that having a horse inside him feels good — “nothing better.” K. Fine. He might bottom for this horse — but in all likelihood,  he’s vers. Mike Pence has evil daddy vibes, so he probably likes to mix it up. Which brings me to this:

This comedian, writer, and possessor of eagle eyes noticed that Mike Pence “proudly” announced that his own horse is pregnant. Proud? Almost like…a dad?!

The timeline adds up, considering horse fetuses are detectable after around two weeks. It’s all pretty damning. And Mike Pence can’t even do anything about his mutant centaur-child since he wants to ban abortion! What a tangled web, huh, Mike?

Guess Mother Pence should start including female animals on her No Dine list.