Here’s what Urban Dictionary, the Holy Grail of knowledge, says about your star sign

Sometimes Urban Dictionary is a cesspool of bad opinions and 10-year-old boys defining “circle jerk” due to their special expertise. But sometimes, it’s scary accurate — like when it’s trying to describe everyone’s star signs.

Here’s what the garbage walkers of the internet think of you. And if you’re an Aries, you should probably find the nearest bridge and careen off of it.

Aquarius

The most ‘electrifying’ sign. Aquarius rules shock and electricity, come across them the wrong way and they’ll electrocute you. Overall, a great sign. Humanitarian, friendly, super intelligent, and oh boy unpredictable! You can never guess what an Aquarian will do next … But be prepared to get shocked.

Ah, theres that lovely aquarian.

Pisces

The best of all the zodiac signs… includes thunderous lovemaking and are have high susceptibility to alcohol and drugs ;-)

I am a pisces ;-) if u catch my drift

Aries

The Leading sign of the Zodiac. All hail the powerful Aries…we are strong, ruthless and we are incredibly versatile. Piss one of us off and you will regret it. Yet, we can be the most sincerest of the star signs without being overly emotional like that of the pisces. But none-the-less.. we are comedic and humorous and love to make people smile.

Hitler (the dictator) was an Aries! – April 20th

Eddie Murphy (the Actor) is an Aries! – April 3rd

(Editor’s note: Hitler was a Taurus, this Urban Dictionary entry is incorrect)

Taurus

Anybody born April 20 to May 20. Very friendly, sensual people who will be your best friend in bed and get easily pissed off if you rub them the wrong way.

After I explained to Gina that she was a kangaroo. She lost her temper and told me that I was a piece of dog shit. Yep, she’s a Taurus all right!

Gemini

A person born between May 21st – June 22nd who is a sadistic schizophrenic that doesn’t realize his/her problems but everyone else notices how crazy they are.

Classic exemplary of a Gemini: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Naomi Campbell, Donal Trump, and your teacher.

Cancer

Cancers can have problems coming out of their shell. They’re often times referred to as the “snail” human.

You’re a cancer, i’m a sagidtaidararious. Lets have sex.

Leo

Very good looking and they get along with most everyone at a party – that’s why they are always the center of attention. Very outgoing and have great personalities. Love excitement and luxurious lifestyles. Basically they have the whole package. Most people appreciate their awesomeness but some are jealous of their charisma and become bitches toward them. They are said to be egotistical but are actually really humble.

Don’t hate me ’cause you ain’t me – i’m a Leo!

Virgo

They are called the Virgins, but that doesn’t mean they act like one ;)

Virgos are quite attractive.

Libra

A Libra is somebody who is SEXY, FUN, and COOL. It is said that Librans should switch attitudes with Capricornians because their look matches them well. Libras look like they haven’t a care in the world, but will most likely be the one to run in the burning building to save the trapped and left-behind.

Scorpio

The cool, sexy, sophisticated, and overall God of paperclips.

I’m the scorpio…. muahahaha :D

Sagittarius

Jennifer Lawrence in Hunger Games is an archer so on the spot, that though born August 15 she could have made a great Sagittarius. All she needed was to be born between November 24 and December 22 instead of August 15.

Famous Sagittariuses have no entire common trait, everyone from Donny Osmond to Walt Disney to Jim Morrison to AnnaSophia Robb are Sagittariuses as well as myself (even more of a reason to write this entry.)

Capricorn

Probably one of the worst signs of the zodiac. Capricorns are social climbers and only care about status. Yes, you are smart but not in a good way. You guys are manipulative, controlling. Females are the equivalent of Lady Macbeth. Yet, you can be easily corrupted and a follower. You people suck. You can be aggressive and blunt when it is not necessary.

Capricorns are dull.

Don’t you feel enlightened? Now you know to go find yourself a Virgo.