pop • Jun 14 2017

Wow, Beyoncé’s really crossed the line this time

I’m…disgusted

There was a point in my life when I would have died for Beyoncé. Not figuratively — I mean I would literally and actually take a bullet for her because I know her life is just plain more valuable than mine. She has way more to offer the world. That all changed today, though.

Today, according to virtually every tabloid outlet in the world, Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter has gone into labor with twins. By all means, a supposedly joyous occasion.

Except for one very serious and grave mistake for which I will never forgive her: the twins are going to be Geminis.

And not just any Geminis. They’ll share a birthday with Donald Trump. Yeah, maybe it’s part of some Trump-defeating, Harry Potter-like prophecy. But maybe they’ll be just as evil and two-faced and screenshotting-ly petty as every other Gemini I’ve had to encounter in my life.

Bey, you were ONE WEEK away from Cancer Season. Stuff ’em back up there and hold the hell on.

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