A helpful guide for straight people on what shit to avoid doing at Pride this weekend

If you’re anything like me, you’re already planning out your Pride pregames and stocking up on excessive (ahem, necessary) rainbow flags and glitter. The upcoming Pride parade weekend has become one of the most popular, widely attended events in major cities across the US and the entire world. In 2016 alone, New York City saw an estimated 2 million spectators and marchers attend. These numbers are in no doubt due to society’s increasing acceptance of the LGBTQIA+ community, drawing the involvement of many non community members to the festivities as well. And hey, the more ally participation, the better, right?

Well, not necessarily.

Unfortunately, as the events of Pride weekend have become increasingly “mainstream,” it’s easy for the very community members being celebrated to become overlooked or disrespected in their own spaces. So if you’re one of the non LGBT+ folks who plan to celebrate this weekend, try to avoid some of these groan-worthy mistakes:

Your gay friends aren’t your weekend party pass

Look, let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with celebrating and supporting your LGBT friends. Just make sure you’re not simply clinging onto them as a means of gaining access to the best parties of the weekend. Your gay friends are not your queer VIP wristbands. Whispering their name to the bouncer at the door like some secret code won’t automatically get you free drinks and onstage for Ruby Rose’s DJ set (unless it does, in which case, give me their info immediately).

Straight invasion

That being said, if you are welcomed to attend bars with your LGBT pals, have fun, just don’t dominate the space with all of your straight friends. After all, there’s a reason these bars exist – they are a nightlife destination for queer folks to exist safely, freely, and as the majority. If you’re still tempted to make it about you, you need to remember alllllll the other bars y’all have to your straight selves, every. day. of. the. year.

Know the etiquette

If you aren’t familiar with LGBT nightlife, pause and take a cue from the community members around you. For example, with the surging popularity of RuPaul’s Drag Race, many people have been introduced to drag. But did you know that you should tip a drag queen when she performs? This is actually how they make most of their money! Also, please don’t talk over their performance, and seriously why would you think it’s OK to touch her hair?! What? No. Just, stop.

I kissed a girl and….did that guy over there like it?

The weekend will surely see loads of baby queers emerging from their shells, eager and ready to explore, and that’s great! On the flip side, there will surely be the straight girl who thinks getting sloshed on 2 for 1 watermelon martinis and pressing her lips against another willing/unwilling female is going to make a great story at the office next week. “Lol, I know, it was so wild, I was WASTED and we just started making out,” she’ll say a little too loudly, in hopes that some tacky “girl on girl” porno images will trigger Brad one cubicle over. Seriously, it’s not cute, and tbh you’re probably a bad kisser anyway.

Why is everyone hitting on me?

“Dude, bro, I’m not gay wtf.” Oh I’m sorry, how unbelievably presumptuous of me to mistake your sexuality at this GAY PRIDE EVENT. Also, no, not every queer person is automatically interested in you, so please check your straight privilege along with your tacky Patagonia rain jacket at the door. But otherwise it’s seriously like, so big of you to be here and to be, like, so accepting and open minded bro, lawl.

The fairweather ally

What is now a booze-filled, celebratory, parade float extravaganza has its origins in a historical event of a much different nature. If you’ve never even heard of the Stonewall Riots, if you do nothing to support the LGBT community all year long, please ask yourself why you are participating in Pride this weekend. Hint: if it’s just an excuse to dress up in rainbow colors, drink excessively, and listen to EDM; you’ve missed the point. And for a multitude of reasons, you should probably take that neon green tutu off, like, now.