I’m so good at faking orgasms, I’ve actually convinced myself I’ve had them

Now I love to get off just as much as the next girl, but that being said, achieving a perfect “O” is no easy feat, especially when you’re dealing with a dude. You’ve got to have the right timing, connection and stimulation for all of it to happen, and, wow, that sounds like a lot of work tbh!

So, if your climax isn’t achieved as easily as you’d like, that’s OK — all you have to do is follow my lead and stick to this old mantra: fake it till ya make it.

He’s just laying on top of me like a beached seal

Look, sure, some variety of positions would be nice. Yes, maybe his repetitive yet polyrhythmic vertical thrusting while fucking in missionary isn’t the most stimulating move. But hey, all it really takes is enough friction, right? So if I just concentrate really really hard on the fact that some dude is diligently going to town on me, I think I might be able to muster a blissful enough sigh to convince both this Don Juan—and myself—that I’ve just achieved the ultimate sexual pleasure.

Who needs foreplay?

OK, every romance movie or novel has taught us that urgency is hawt, so I’m sure that’s what he was thinking when he just went for it without so much as some fumbled second base. It’s just so raw that way, kind of like my completely dry vagina, and that makes it extra sexy! I mean, in The Notebook they were all about frantic lovemaking, and aren’t they pretty much ultimate couple goals? What I’m really saying is, this quickie is probably an explosion of passion with my soon-to-be forever love, and that thought alone is such a turn on I definitely just came!

I think we almost made eye contact so I guess this is intimacy

He’s been staring at the framed Fight Club poster above his bed for the past five minutes, but I think he just glanced right into my eyes when he asked me, “Do you have another condom?” and honestly, WOW. In that moment I felt so connected, he just saw me you know? Needless to say, I completely lost sight of myself and let out the most pleasured squeal, I’m pretty sure my insides are actually tingling! Or maybe that’s when the condom broke.

He came in three minutes

“You’re so hot I couldn’t help it,” one tender lover told me, before rolling over and snoring. Aw! Sure, the coitus itself may have flown by, but honestly, I’m sure he wouldn’t have finished if he hadn’t heard me cum yet. I guess I must’ve been so caught up in how good it was for both of us that I mumbled something like, “I definitely just came” without even realizing it! Honestly, the sex must’ve been amazing because I barely remember it, I was so busy living in the moment…or, more accurately, 180 seconds.

The amateur porn star

Wow, gymnastics 101! This guy sure was creative! I can definitely say I’ve never been asked to do reverse cowgirl while hanging upside down from my bed, but that’s just me! By the time we finished, my body resembled something between a pretzel and a tortoise stuck on its shell. Yet as we know, straight men watch so much porn they’re all automatically experts at getting girls off with wild lovemaking! At one point, as my cheek was pressed against what I think was my own inner thigh, I let out a completely primal, guttural moan. It was probably from my tight hamstrings, but hey, if pain is pleasure, this guy sure knew how to get me going!

He kept saying, ‘yeah, you like that’ so much now I just think I do

Honestly, nothing is hotter than a guy telling me what I like in bed without ever even asking me! If he’s so sure about it, then I know he’s got to be onto something, right? Let me tell you, ladies – this is the ideal moment to queue up your best When Harry Met Sally-worthy moan, arch your back, and go for the ultimate orgasm display. Bonus- it will make him get off at the exact same time seeing you gyrate in your best performance since playing one of The Wizard of Oz munchkins in sixth grade.

Sure, studies may show only 30 percent of women achieve actual orgasm during sex, but I say 70 percent just need to pretend a little harder. If you believe deeply enough, anything can happen!