When you find out that guys fake orgasms too, you’re going to replay every single time you’ve ever had sex
I feel betrayed
You mimic a few moans from movie sex scenes, dig your nails into his skin as if you have no control over it, and let out your best ‘I came’ scream to end it all — the fake orgasm.
Faking it is somewhat a right of passage into realizing some men don’t know shit about our vagina. Sure, we’d rather they find our clit and go to town, but sometimes letting Johnny Tinder think he made you come and never speaking to him again is easier than wasting your time guiding his tongue.
We don’t want to do it, we have to. Some girls are even so good at faking orgasms, they’ve convinced themselves they’ve actually had one.
But did you ever think guys fake orgasms? Are you now replaying every time you’ve ever had sex to spot the signs of your man literally using your tactics against you?
It’s true, guys fake orgasms. I’m as shocked as you are, so I asked them why and how the fuck they do it.
Some guys fake it because condoms make them take longer to come
“When condoms suck and it’s taking forever to come, you just want to stop because you’re sweaty and cramping.”
Sometimes they have other things on their mind, like food
“I had just cooked food for my girlfriend for Valentine’s Day, and as soon as I set it down she took my hand and led me to the bedroom to bang. But even after she came, all I could think about was how the food I put hours into preparing was just sitting there getting cold. So I pretended to bust in the condom, then turned around and threw it out discreetly….and then ate my food.”
Sometimes they know they’re never going to nut so they fake it to end it
“There are times where for some reason you know it’s just not going to happen, whether it’s because you’re tired or just not into it. So you usually just stop or do other things, but faking it has happened just to end it.”
Some guys are just shit at coming
“If you’re not good at coming, sometimes you just want to end it so you fake it.”
Sometimes they fake it because of the amounts of alcohol they’ve consumed
“If you’re both quite drunk, exhausted and so dehydrated that you know you’re not going to come, you fake it.”
“Usually it’s when I’m drunk and it just isn’t going to happen, it’s usually a miracle I’m hard at this stage.”
Sometimes it’s because they’ve got someone else on their mind
“Orgasms are emotional to me, so if I was kind of dating someone other than the girl I was getting with, I faked it because it wasn’t going to happen otherwise.
Sometimes it’s because they don’t want to make us feel bad
“Girls feel super shitty if they find our they couldn’t make you come, so to avoid that you fake it.”
Other times it’s because they please us without it being reciprocated
“I was having sex with a girl who didn’t care about pleasing me at all, it was all about her. The sex was so bad an I was so tired I just faked it to get it over with.”
But most of the times it’s because they literally just masturbated
“The biggest reason for faking it is that I just jerked off and there’s no juice left in the tank.”
How do they fake an orgasm?
“All you have to do is just mimic the rhythm, make the right noises and act like you came. And if you’re faking it into a condom, get rid of the evidence fast.”
“It’s easy to fake, especially with a condom on.”
After conducting this little investigation, a part of me thinks there’s one thing all the guys left out — the fact girls are so used to not finishing that we can literally go all night, which leads men to faking it because they are tired.
So maybe if we work together on this, none of us will have to fake it ever again.
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