What the fuck to do when a boy cries in front of you


IRL  • 

What the fuck to do when a boy cries in front of you

I’ll call an Uber

If breaking down in front of guys had to fit into a category of my life, I’d say it’s maybe a hobby, a passion, if you will. Honestly, I’ll do anything for attention and if they were being a fuckboy (which is pretty much everyday) then they deserve it.

I mean, yeah, they’re generally clueless, but I feel like they have some sort of training for this thing. Do you know how many times I’ve been bribed out of being upset with food? A lot of times — yet they still wonder why we cry so much. Hit me up with some Chick-Fil-A and I’ll forget you even looked at Jessica.

Imagine an alternative reality though, where they start crying. What the fuck do you do?

Don’t act shook even though you obviously are

First of all, ‘grats girl, because you’ve officially peaked in your dating game. As much as you want to celebrate, or be shocked that he’s there sobbing his eyes out in front of you, just don’t. The, “masculinity so fragile” jokes are a real thing. Don’t make him feel more like a bitch than he already does.

Assessing the situation

If he’s upset over you hoe-ing around, the best idea is to not be all over him. In other cases, physical affection is never a bad move. For example: suck his dick while he’s crying. Relax, I’m just kidding — that’s like those weird, Cosmo sex tips. Or was I kidding?

Think of all the things you rather be doing

Shall we make a list?

  • Online shopping
  • Brunch
  • Finding out who wins this season of the Bachelorette
  • Literally anything
  • Start crying to make it about you

    If he’s crying for too long and it’s overshadowing you and your problems, break out the tears. Ever heard the phrase fight fire with fire? No? It’s supposed to be DON’T fight fire with fire? Oops.

    In all seriousness though, if you both end up crying then I feel like y’all have probably bonded over your brokenness. So good for you. Maybe put on a Drake song to even further feel out the moment.

    In the end, boys crying is a phenomenon, almost a blessing we can only experience once in a lifetime. Depending on how you look at it, it could be annoying or actually a step forward. All I know is when you approach it, any move is better than an awkward back pat.