How to fuck like a fuckboy: We asked an expert how to avoid catching feelings
Major key: No spooning
Casual sex is all the rage, but does it actually exist? I can’t be the only one who starts planning the wedding the second a man’s penis is in my vicinity. I feel like casual sex is something every girl claims to be having when in actuality they are having sex, getting attached and then stuffing their face with Taco Bell because Mr. Casual didn’t text back.
babe decided to dig deeper and find out if casual sex exists and how to have it. We talked to Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher, writer and educator.
According to Zhana, casual sex does exist, and romantic feelings are definitely not involved in every sexual situation. She does warn that sex can set in motion neural processes in the brain that create infatuation.
“The more you see somebody, the better the sex is, the more passionate it is, the more intimate the experience is, the more likely those feelings are going to develop,” Zhana said.
Zhana also says that just because casual sex does not have the romantic desire or infatuation, does not mean the interaction needs to be devoid of feelings at all.
“Very often you can imbue even the most casual of casual interactions with some substantial level of passion and intimacy in that specific moment,” Zhana said.
She also said that on average it is easier for men to have casual sex than it is for women, and she thinks that there may be an evolutionary reason for this.
“Before birth control and before all of the luxuries we have today, sex could very well lead to pregnancy with a very high level of investment on the part of the woman,” Zhana said. “Therefore, it would be beneficial to her to have some level of attachment to the partner she was having sex with.”
These gender differences do not encompass society as a whole, and some men may have a harder time having casual sex than some women. Zhana said there are a lot of other factors such as how many oxytocin receptors you have, how you grew up and what culture you come from that affect your ability to have casual sex.
If you are a person who has a hard time having casual sex, Zhana has a few ways for you to get busy without falling in love.
You can have sex less
Zhana said one way to curb the feeling-catching is to have sex less often with your casual sex partner, or you can have multiple sex partners and rotate.
“So instead of seeing them once a week, you are seeing them once a month and in the meantime you are having sex with other people,” Zhana said.
Choose how intimate you are being
According to Zhana, if you want to keep things casual, you should be cognizant of how much intimacy you are involved in. Things like cuddling, kissing a lot, sharing deep things about yourself and your past, spending the night together, showering and spooning are intimate and could increase feelings of infatuation.
Zhana said that most of the time everyone benefits from having a more passionate and intimate experience, even if it is casual, but if you think there is potential to get attached then you may want to try to cut down on some of the intimacy.
Stop the stalking and live your life
Zhana explains that a key part of infatuation is not being able to stop thinking about a specific person, and once that happens people often invest a lot of time into talking about them, stalking them on social media and fantasizing.
If you want to keep things casual it is important to keep these behaviors to a minimum, because the more you think about a person the more the infatuation will keep growing. In order to do this it helps to keep busy with friends and hobbies Zhana said.
Try an open relationship
Zhana also suggests an open relationship as a way to having strictly casual sex.
“Another great way for keeping infatuation at bay is having a long term partner. Having an emotional relationship with that one person you are in a relationship with will kind of free you up to have more casual encounters,” Zhana said.
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