Bumble just copied Tinder’s creepiest feature so I guess I’m deleting my account now
It’s Bumble’s fault I’m gonna die alone
by Amanda Ross
Bumble used to be our oasis. It seemed to attract a slightly higher quality of people than Tinder, forced us to think of clever(ish) opening lines outside of “heyyyy” and — most importantly — we were never at risk of accidentally hitting the stupid fucking Super Like star with our thumb while swiping on the toilet.
But like all good things (pricey lip balms, open bars), it had to come to an end.
The ladies-first app just introduced a ~cOoL nEw FeAtUrE~ called Super Swipe and it’s literally exactly like Super Like. This is what it looks like:
First of all, who (WHOMST!) wants to give someone a mega-like? Does that ever increase the odds of getting a match or message? I’d be willing to bet literally any amount of money (jk just in case) that like boosts have/will result in exactly zero marriages. Maybe some not-planned babies, but no fairytale romances.
Let’s be honest: it’s a money-grab to get coins of weird, desperate dudes who set their radius to 100 miles and have sunglasses on in every picture. And it begs just one question: Why?
So allegedly the ‘real’ apocalypse is coming this month, and I actually don’t even mind
We’re all doomed and I am so tired
by Jenn Ficarra
The apocalypse is nigh. There have been a few false alarms in the past — Planet X, 05/21/11, 12/12/12, etc. but this time it's "really here" and honestly? I'm so tired that at this point IDC if I get raptured or whatever as long as it means I get some sleep. Even if it's in…
Apparently tons of women are getting plastic surgery to look like Ivanka Trump
They’re spending shit tons of money on it, too
by Una Dabiero
Everyone has a celebrity they stare at on Instagram, hoping they either A.) look like them once they're rich enough or B.) are engulfed by an inferno before living another day as an ugly commoner. Who knew for some rich fucks out there, Ivanka Trump is THE face of beauty. Apparently, getting Ivanka's look is…
How to train your man to be the Instagram boyfriend you deserve
Know your angles, know your worth
by Jenn Ficarra
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man handed a camera to take a picture of his girlfriend will inevitably take a shit photo. Like dragons, men need to be trained to be the Insta boyfriend you want. Most guys don't understand the minutiae and the planning that goes into a bomb Insta so…