Your fave is problematic: Stop trying to get my nudes with the monkey emoji
‘Haha cool so are you a virgin?’
by Una Dabiero
It’s time to talk about the monkey emojis.
According to the people of Twitter, using a monkey emoji is the new language of “haha are you a virgin?” fuckboys. You know, the kind who reply to your “sorry, I was in the shower” text with “haha without me?”
the monkey emoji makes me cringe ew
— Lakyn (@LakynShaelynne) July 7, 2017
This kind of fuckboy is easily the most dangerous. While they appear nice, albeit a little campy, their toxic masculinity will pop up at some point like an uninvited boner — which they are sure to have if you hang out.
The monkey emoji is the premier way to screen for men who will send you that “I was just trying to be nice!!!” text
They’re suspicious as hell. Why is that monkey so happy?
overly-optimistic men suspicious as helllllll. like why you need to use 50 exclamation points? & why you usin the mofo monkey emoji as well?
— medusa (@SMILnEr96) July 6, 2017
So, using them is officially a deal breaker.
We just can’t trust you if you use something so cringy to flirt.
when u had a crush on him and then he uses a monkey emoji pic.twitter.com/q68SEHzWP4
— Girl Fieri (@zoesafhay) July 6, 2017
They’re like, a surefire way to get yourself blocked.
Abort fucking mission.
When they are doing really well but then send a monkey emoji 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 abort mission
— georg (@geoallen_x) July 12, 2017
And cut out of our lives 5ever
You’re ugly now.
Lmao this hot guy I know used a monkey face emoji in a photo comment and now he's ugly
— stubborn lil bitch (@f0urwallss) July 5, 2017
Monkey emojis are scary. It’s a fact.
I will call the police on you.
this boy used the monkey emoji, i'm calling the police
— Ece (@xoxoece) July 6, 2017
In text emojis only, please. I like to pretend like its 2008, when the world was pure and the Jonas Brothers were still together.
DO YOU EVEN REALIZE IT’S FUCKING HALLOWEEN ?!
Werewolf bar mitzvah, spooky scary
by Amanda Ross and Una Dabiero
Shut up. Yes, you. Shut your mouth and listen to me. Did it even occur to you that while you were going about your ordinary life this week, it became Halloween? Do you realize that we are, right now at this moment in time, living within Halloween? So it’s August. To some, it’s still summer. These…people…
I’ve never seen anything so glorious as all the trolling ‘Curvy Wife’ guy is getting online
‘Under socialism, we will each be apportioned a curvy wife’
by Amanda Ross
Earlier this week, the Internet was graced by a new hero. No, it wasn’t a cat who could play the piano — it was someone much better: a man who, against all odds, managed to love his curvy wife. I know, I know. His struggle is an inspiration. You’re thinking to yourself, who could ever be…
You actually spend way less time on Instagram each day than you thought
*Logs back on*
by Caroline Phinney
“Rise and Instagram,” as they always say. Just me? Cool. There’s nothing better than arriving late to work because you’ve pushed your morning shower back in order to spend a few extra minutes lying in bed and living vicariously through the online lives of people you may or may not actually know. And then there’s…