Aaron Carter crying about IPAs is all of us on dates with ‘indie’ guys
Please don’t make me drink this pisswater
by Una Dabiero
Saturday, Aaron Carter was arrested in Georgia for reckless driving. So last night, he went on Entertainment Tonight to clear his name. How? By tearfully telling everyone that he doesn’t drink liquor or IPAs.
In one sentence, Aaron Carter managed to be the most relatable star of all time. He somehow encapsulated the fear and anger every girl dating an indie guy has ever felt.
Crying to the camera, he told the host he will “occasionally have a sip of a beer or something like that, but [he] can’t even drink IPAs.” He goes on to say “I can’t drink anything like that. I have to drink the lightest beer possible that’s not hoppy.”
IPAs are gross. Don’t tell me you don’t agree. And quite honestly, I’m tired of pretending they’re good for some guy who listens Sufjan Stevens and talks about his favorite strains of Mary Jane.
No, Connor, I can’t taste the hops. I don’t even know what hops are. And no, Connor, I don’t want to drink anything but my ciders. Grab me another Angry Orchard please. I don’t care if you think I’m the reason bars “waste a perfectly good tap.”
Aaron, I really hope you weren’t drunk driving because a man so unafraid to drink blondes could be such a great role model for everyone everywhere. Down with IPAs. They’re gross.
Connor, take notes.
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