We asked girls about the struggles of being in an interracial relationship
‘Oh makes sense, you’re like, basically white’
by Jin Hyun
Relationships aren’t always a piece of cake and as if it wasn’t already tricky enough, being an interracial couple comes with even more obstacles and a whole new level of pressure.
We asked girls about the most frustrating comments they received when in an interracial relationship and other hurdles they faced.
I’ve only ever been in interracial relationships and there’s always one comment that I get every single time: “Is it true? Are Asian chicks really tight down there?” Literally every single time that I have ever dated anyone, all his friends are dying to know. I met my boyfriend on my first day of college. We were roommates and we instantly became best friends. At the end of my second year, we started dating but kept it a secret because I knew some people wouldn’t be accepting. After a while, I agreed that we should start telling some of his friends because they had been suspecting anyways and I let him tell them when they were away on a school trip. Sure enough, one of the boys started chuckling and saying, “I bet your dick looks massive next to her cuz, you know, Asians have tighter pussies.” My boyfriend told me about this when he got back from the trip and when I found out I cried for a while out of anger and frustration — we’ve decided not to tell anyone else for the time being.
For three years in college, I dated someone who was Korean (I’m v white). I’ve had a few people show me Korean guys on Tinder to ask what I think, saying that must be “my type,” and one time when we got pulled over together the cop started asking me to translate things for him even though he grew up in America. One guy on the subway once started yelling at him about Hiroshima and then asked why I would date someone who was Japanese – any comments about the two of us were always more aggravated towards him. The biggest struggle we faced was actually our families. His mom didn’t really like me and he was pretty open about that, which was sometimes painful. His family spoke Korean at home so I am sure a lot of what was said was misconstrued. His family ended up moving back to Korea and he lived at school or with me, but when we broke up, he told me making his family happy was a big part of it, and with us together that wasn’t realistic.
Once I was seeing a Jamaican guy. After me and him ended things, I went on a date with a white guy. We were talking about our past partners and I brought up the Jamaican guy and he said, “YOU DATED A BLACK GUY?” And he said he was grossed out by me and literally left during the date.
I was dating a guy who was mixed race (half Nigerian) and people would ask me all the time about his dick size and it was so creepy and annoying. I’m the one dating him, so why do they have to know? I also had people ask me if he smelt weird because apparently that’s a thing? And then there were just people who were like “I didn’t know black guys were your type” — like what does that even mean?! I didn’t really get any strangeness in public, it was mainly from my friends which I guess is what made it so frustrating.
I’ve always dated white men because I grew up in a suburb where you could count the black/Asian/Latino families on your hand at a school with 3000 families and again at college because it’s predominantly white. The most frustrating things I hear are “Oh makes sense, you’re like basically white” referring to how I act which then leads me to feel like I have to defend my blackness, or friends who would ask if it’s weird. People would also ask if I’m racist against my own race. I would say I’ve been generally supported by friends aside from some condescending comments, it’s more of a consciously aware thing when I’m holding hands that I feel judgment but I’m not even entirely sure if it’s in the atmosphere or if it’s just the pressure of being in an interracial relationship. As for family, my brother knows my dating history but I’ve never actually brought a guy home and introduced him as more than a friend because my older brother, who was also the same way and has a white wife got so much shit from my parents and family. Because we’re 1st gen, there’s that pressure to have only black relationships and I’ve hidden a lot of things from my parents like alcohol use and tattoos. Obviously this has caused problems within the relationship.
I was in a relationship with a Chinese guy for a year and throughout our entire relationship people would make comments and jokes about the whole ‘Asians have small dicks’ thing. I’ve also found that white guys that I’ve dated since have automatically gone straight to that idea when I tell them I used to date a Chinese man. It always feels like they’re doing it to make themselves feel better? Like, they must automatically have a bigger dick than him because he was Asian.
My dad told me flat out to break up with the white guy I was dating and then caught an attitude when I didn’t. My then-bf never did introduce me to anyone in his family besides his mom (and that was very very briefly, in passing) because he said they’d be racist shits about it and he didn’t want to subject me to their BS. The jury is still out about how I feel about it. Our dorm mates asked among themselves how the hell he ended up with me (presumably because of the huge attractiveness difference but also because I’m black) and also explained it in a way that made it sound like I was “a Yankee who doesn’t know any better.” My aunts and cousins asked me what “pink dick” is like. They also asked if it was true that white men are small. Another time, when I dated a white girl, it was hard to tell if people were reacting to the fact that we were both women or that we were a mixed race couple. If we were out and about holding hands or cuddling, people glared and side eyed us but to this day I can never tell if that was because, well, like I said. I can’t recall any blatantly racist comments but my cousins did ask, “Are you ever gonna date a black person again?” So, There’s that.
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