So that MAC free lipstick giveaway was a total disaster

When something sounds too good to be true, it almost always is. That’s why if a guy texts me “I had a really good time with you tonight :)” after a date, I immediately change my number and dye my hair because he’s almost definitely going to either break my heart or try to cut off my skin and wear it. You know?

That’s why when MAC announced it was giving away free full tubes of their signature lipsticks for something called National Lipstick Day, I was skeptical. There’s always a catch.

And there totally was! People were so psyched about the $17 value that there were all-night campouts and straight-up stampedes to get their hands on a free lippie. While I understand nearly $20 for a lipstick is a lot and it hurts my soul, you know what hurts more? Getting punched in the tit while some old binch rips the last Velvet Teddy out of your hands.

Look at this line to get into a Macy’s with a MAC inside, well before the store actually opened:

Apparently, though, the promo’s total lack of fine print failed to mention that the lipsticks given away were rejects from a flopped rock-and-roll collection:

Seriously, look at this line. I couldn’t get a queue this big if I was giving away blowjobs at a bus station:

To paraphrase Maxine Waters, I hope y’all spend the rest of the weekend reclaiming your time.