We’re sharing our shortest lived relationships that still managed to last longer than the Mooch
Who else remembers 2007?
Join me, and let’s think back to the summer of 2007, when Rihanna and Shia LaBeouf engaged in a rendezvous that lasted approximately as long as Anthony Scaramucci’s little stint in the white house. One date.
When questioned about it by MTV in 2009, LaBeouf told them something similar to what I imagine Scaramucci is telling his own loved ones now: “It just didn’t work out.”
“I was filming a sword fight when I got the message. I said, ‘Can this be my life?'” LaBeouf told Playboy. But as all good (and obviously bad) things do, it quickly came to an end.
So, in honor of Scaramucci, LaBeouf and anyone else who’s ever found themselves in such a heartbreakingly temporary situation, we asked girls to open up about their shortest relationships, crushes and, in some cases, dates.
One time guy came back to mine and spilt red wine literally all over my room. We had a (note: extremely fleeting) sexual encounter before going out to the garden for a cigarette. He told me he was going to the bathroom and went inside, but then I heard the front door slam. He’d full on bailed. He later told me in a club he’d stolen and lost my dental retainer (which cost $200 to replace).
I once got together with a guy, took a break with him, got back together with him and broke up with him in one week. Actually, he broke up with me.
One time I got on a bus with a guy in college. We were on our way into town for our first date, and on the way he asked me what my major was. The moment I said English, he blurted out “I am so sorry — my mom will be so mad,” and got off at the next stop.
I once ordered pizza with my girls in the club then went back to a guy’s room. We did the deed and straight afterwards he put me in a cab back to halls where I arrived just in time for my dominoes — which realistically, I’d rather have anyway.
In high school I had a 2-day fling with a man so hot I still stalk his Facebook and wonder what our children would look like. We met when he visited my school and instantly had a connection so we texted a bit while he was back home, but the real juicy stuff happened when he came to my town. We spent 95% of our time hooking up on a beach – in the water, in the sand. It was great. Then he left, and we never spoke again. At least we’ll always have the beach.
An old hook up messaged me last Sunday saying his roommates would be out of town. I knew he watched Game of Thrones, so I figured I’d use him to watch it live as well. I went over before it started, and immediately knew I wouldn’t be staying long. We had sex because I thought it would ease the awkwardness, but it made it worse. I ended up leaving after an hour right after he made us dinner and got home way before GOT even aired.
I went on a date with a guy to a bar where we ran into one of his friends. I went home with the friend.
I Went on a Tinder date to a bar and throughout the conversation found out he owned a carnie company and drives a minivan. I drove him back to his car and then moved to a different city that week. You can decide for yourself if you think those two things are related.
I slept with a guy for like a week then took him to a sorority cocktail with me. I ended up going home with another girl’s date that night.
If nothing else, at least Scaramucci didn’t get ditched for another guy. Yet.
QUIZ: This super scientific quiz will tell you what your hoe Halloween costume should be
Are you more of a Hoe boxer or a Hoe alien?
by Jenn Ficarra
It's Halloween and you know what that means? It's time to be a Hoe! Halloween is the High Holy Day at the end of the glorious month of Cocktober which means it's your day to let your inner hoe shine.But maybe you're behind on your Halloween planning? Maybe you're out of costume ideas?Have no fear…
Hey white women, it’s not all about us
by Caroline Phinney
Nobody is saying being a girl isn't annoying. Tampons are pricy, guys are usually creepy and weird and it feels like every Friday we're peer-pressured into shaving our legs. But you know what? Nearly HALF the population is female, and particularly in America, it's not a damn bad lot white women have been handed —…
‘He said he was a Samurai’ and other wild-ass lies men have told us
Honestly, these are fucked up
by Katie Way
One time, I broke up with a guy and a month later he told me he had terminal cancer so I would get back together with him. It didn't work, but it did teach me a valuable lesson: men are not only untrustworthy, they are cocky enough to think women will believe anything they say.I…