This man’s strange eclipse sexual fantasy will have you locking your doors on August 21st
‘You must like cats. Drugs are OK.’
by Una Dabiero
In case you failed astronomy like I did, you should know there's a total solar eclipse hitting the US on August 21st. It will be visible from a 70 mile-wide path that stretches from Oregon to South Carolina.
Most of us probably think "cool!" when we hear about this astronomical miracle, but Twitter has found one maniac who thought "what a perfect time to fucc the Craigslist lady of my dreams."
Let's break down this nightmare fodder a bit, in case you need more detail for your psychiatrist next time they ask you why you think the world is ending.
"I am 40 years of age, caucasian male from Europe. My heritage is strong and pure. My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal."
First off, this dude is definitely 100% a white nationalist and therefore should have his penis cut off. Facts. End of story. And something tells me if he had "100% lethal" looks and strength, he wouldn't be looking for a fuckbuddy on Craigslist.
But what's maybe more concerning than his pride in being "pure" is his obsession with making babies with a complete stranger under the eclipsing sun.
"I am looking for a worthy female with strong genes, beauty and smarts. To join me – to experience the totality eclipse in Oregon."
He says he will treat his online lady to "simultaneous orgasms" and they will "conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution," because, like, science.
He says the trick is him and his penis will be "directed toward the sun" and their "cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets."
"In a brief moment of ecstasy, we will understand everything, and together, create a new universe. Full of love…"
His only requirement for the lady he plans to knock up? She has to like cats and be willing to do some rad drugs in the forest.
Sure, this guy sounds fucking insane, but don't pretend you haven't had some stoner boyfriend who acted like this. You bought a record player to impress him, didn't you?
Just be glad you didn't let him cum in you during an eclipse because honestly, then you would've been stuck with him.
A college is in meltdown after a student accused more than 30 men of rape on Facebook
We spoke to one of the guys on the list
by Harry Shukman
Students at Middlebury College are in turmoil after a senior posted a list of over 30 men accused of rape.In an explosive post on Facebook, Elizabeth Dunn called out by name male students who she said raped or abused women at the liberal arts school. This information was also handed out in flyers on campus…
Sorry, but dismissing an uncut cock is prejudiced and bitchy
Don’t knock it ’til you try it
by Ari Bines
The thing about confident women is that we've gotten really picky over the years. We understand the definition of self-love and self-worth and that's problematic because it means we know what we deserve. So, in some sex cases (like mine), a woman will come across a man who's got a great personality, a killer bod…
This Instagram account is dedicated to the ugly era of super-skinny eyebrows
by Katie Way
Remember when it was fashionable to pluck the ever-loving shit out of your eyebrows until they were practically nonexistent? I sure wish I could forget that bygone era, but no matter how much I binge-drink I cannot. And apparently nobody else can either, because now there's an entire Instagram account dedicated to tiny-ass brows. It…