We tried wearing body gloss and became shiny, glowing angels for a day

Remember when we slathered ourselves in dewy body glitter before every school dance only to eschew it as adults because apparently we’re afraid to shine like the luminous beacons of sexual energy we are? Me too.

But now, we’ve got something better.

Matte has been on the way out for year now, making room for glossy, gleaming looks on our lips, cheeks and lips. And now, your whole damn body.

Created using fresh, all-natural botanical ingredients from Hawaii, Mālie Organics introduced something I received this morning but already used almost all of: a body gloss.

It’s exactly like it sounds: a non-sticky, soft gel to spread over anywhere you want to glisten including legs, shoulders, collarbones, and titties. Duh.

After rubbing my own legs down the second I opened the jar, I creepily crouched next to my coworkers and caressed their legs with the goo to take photos of their beaming stems on our industrial chic (read: shitty) block of Brooklyn.

Now, six hour later, our legs are still soft as that lil flap inside a kitten’s ear. The actual glossy shine lasts for about three hours (i.e. the ideal window for a date or hookup) while the residual moisturizing effects are still going.

Made with extra virgin coconut oil, raw honey, Vitamin E and a whole bunch of other delicious materials I love but am too lazy to type out, the gloss glides over wet or dry skin with a floral scent that’ll linger on your hands — but trust me, you want it to.

Part of it sinks into your skin to moisturize it while a bit stays on the surface to give your bits a gleaming sheen usually reserved for the red carpet coterie.

For the record, most celebs use baby oil and not to be dramatic but I’d rather die. I’m so glad I have this instead.