When are you allowed to stop being the ‘cool girl’ in the relationship?

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When are you allowed to stop being the ‘cool girl’ in the relationship?

‘I see you liking other bitches on Instagram’

If a girl isn’t texting back, it’s for one of two reasons: We’re into you, or we’re so violently repulsed by you, we can’t get our thumbs up for a reply (read: you voted for Trump, you don’t call your mom at least once a week, you wear shorts in the winter, etc).

If we are texting you back minutes after you message, it’s also for one of two reasons: We literally do not perceive you as a potential partner, or we’ve enter the “non-cool girl” — a phase men fear, and women despise. We become OK with you knowing we’re clingy, we throw phrases like “I like you” around, and we text shit that begins with “I wouldn’t normally text this, but . . .”

We’ve spent so many years in training for the cool girl phase, texting back feels like asking someone to care for our elderly family members, move into our basement and begin a new life with us. So when are we allowed to open up about our insecurities? Two months? Two years?

We asked girls when they stopped being cool, and if it worked.

One week is WAY too soon

“I’m never cool. Give it like a week. I’m very emotionally attached and hate games, but it has also never worked for me.” – Laura 22

Six weeks is also too soon

“I try my best to be cool, but ever since I went through a bad breakup I’ve been so guilty of clinging to guys that are flings. I’m convinced that I can make guys change their mind and want commitment, so after like 6 weeks or so of semi-seriousness, I usually let the psycho wall down and show how attached I really am. I’m ridiculously single right now, so you can see how well that works.” – Dani 20

Apparently, so is two months

“I met a boy at my internship. Spent every living second with him. Wrote him a letter to tell him I loved him after 2 months. He’s been really great about letting me lose my cool, and he’s still interested in keeping in touch when I go abroad. We’re not dating, but when I left we agreed on ‘friendship.’ I feel like it’s something a little deeper though.” – Melanie, 21

Three months seems standard

“I’m in a relationship right now, but I had to play it cool for like 2.5 – 3 months before breaking out the clingy. Surprisingly, he was holding it in, too.” – Tylah, 23

“My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years now, but I definitely tried to play it cool for about the first 3 months. I still try to play hard to get sometimes, but it doesn’t work because he knows I care.” – Jess, 22

You don’t want to wait too long either

“My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months, and recently I’ve gotten super clingy — if he likes a girls picture, or calls a celebrity or model hot I’m like ‘sorry I can’t be her.’ I continue sending texts like that for a whole 5 minutes and he’s like ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’ and gets really mad, but I’m just possessive as fuck, which is the opposite of cool.”

If you hold it in, your partner will assume you think it’s casual as well, and they’ll be confused when you suddenly start acting like it’s not.

So, depending on your relationship (they all differ), aiming for about 3 months seems key. But, like Tylah said, here’s the thing to remember: To some extent, they’re probably pretending to be cool, too.

@carolinephinney