This is the worst ghosting story of all time and I want to melt into my own body

When you live in an urban area, ghosting never seems like a massive deal. If you don’t have the same friends, you probably won’t cross paths again. And even if you do, there’s almost always an Olive Garden you can slip into to wait out the storm.

So I guess that’s why this guy felt safe when he decided to ghost his girlfriend of three years and escape to a new country? Too bad now he’s run into her again, except this time she’s his boss.

“We were together for three years and lived together for two of those years,” he says, “I know that ghosting is not a way to end the relationship, but I cannot do much about it now.”

Never one to make a rash decision like quit, or, I don’t know, ghost someone after years of living with them, he’s written in to Ask a Manager as a means of gaining new insight on the difficult conundrum at hand.

Over Christmas break, while his girlfriend Sylvia was visiting family, he moved out, left the country and took a job teaching math at an international school.

She, of course, tried to reach out to him, but he doesn’t seem to understand why, saying, “Sylvia was rather emotional and became obsessed with the relationship, tracking me down, even causing various scenes with my parents and friends.”

Gee…I wonder why a woman who was jilted out of a three-year relationship without so much as a note would be upset? Guess she was on her period, right, dude?

But anyway. Fast-forward to now.

This week, his school director suddenly had to resign due to personal reasons, so the school replaced her. “I read the bio of the new boss and googled her,” he says, “I was shocked to discover it is Sylvia.”

So let’s outline a few things shall we: His ex of three years is about to be his boss, he doesn’t understand why she was upset when he disappeared and now he’s trying to ~gain insight~ on the situation instead of packing his bags and disappearing as quickly as he did the first time.

“It is clear this will be not only embarrassing but I will also be reporting to my ex,” he writes, “I have no idea what to do and how to deal with this mess.”

He says he is not active on social media and so he doesn’t know what she’s been up to since the time between him ghosting her and now (we should come up with a harsher term than ghosting — ghosting is for one time dates), and isn’t sure what to expect when he sees her.

It’s unclear if she realizes he’s there yet, but I hope she’s low-key crazy and entirely aware of the situation, because that would make this so much better. One theory I’m harboring is she’s been tracking him all along,since he claims she did reach out to his family and friends at first and she’s now on a mission to make him as uncomfortable as humanly possible.

Just his secondhand embarrassment is enough for me. It feels like a real life Elle Woods moment: not only did he fuck up, but she has a way better job than him. So either way, she’s getting her happy ending.

I hope she fucks the science teacher.

@carolinephinney