Here’s how we’ve kicked guys out of our beds the morning after when they just couldn’t take a hint
I'm a considerate person, which is why when I'm fucking someone in their bed I know not to overstay my welcome. We both came? I'm outta there. I like to think the perfect exit window is between 30 seconds and 3 minutes after we've both recovered. He doesn't want me there and I sure as hell don't want to be there.
So why is it that whenever I invite someone back to mine, they won't fucking leave? No, I don't want to grab brunch and I sure as hell don't want to cuddle. I want my bed to myself and I'll do whatever it takes for them to get out of it.
Behold, our morning after stories for your amusement and future use:
I told him my "boyfriend" would be coming to my apartment so he should leave….he did and we never spoke again!
I always say my mom is coming over to visit. They get out REAL quick.
One guy was so shit and in the morning he tried to go down on me and I literally put my foot on his shoulder, shoved him off and told him to go to work. No regrets.
Mentioned I had to get to work soon but he wasn't getting the hint. I called him a taxi, not knowing what his name was and had to awkwardly ask him his name while on the phone.
My roommate had a guy over and texted me saying she really didn't want to sleep with him, so like the good friend I am I went in her room and pretended to have just found out that my 'boyfriend' was breaking up with me and she had to 'look after' me. Her guy left looking awkward as fuck and told me I was too good for this guy. Worked like a dream.
Not only did I leap over a guy like an Olympic hurdler to be sick in the morning, I then texted my friend to pretend to be my mom with a family emergency saying I had to get the train home. He still offered to "play doctor" with me even started packing a bag in front of him.
I had an experience where no matter what I said this person felt very at home at my place, so when I said I had to leave soon he didn't even get out of my bed. I went so far as to get dressed as if i was going to work. he still didn't move and I literally made him leave by saying i was leaving, got in my car and just drove around the block and back to my house….
I just always make all my housemates come into the room to say hello and introduce themselves. I love how awkward it gets for them.
He was still in the middle of going down on me and it was so terrible so I pushed him away and ran out to the bathroom. Stood in there for like five minutes fixing my makeup and when I came back out told him I barfed and he had to go.
I once pretended to be asleep for two hours because I couldn't handle the awkward morning after. He eventually got bored and left but for a while I could feel him trying to subtly wake me up by moving a lot or even randomly kicking me but I didn't budge. Sometimes I'd switch sleeping positions just to fuck with him and give him false hope that I was getting up.
10 realistic signs he actually loves you because your life isn’t actually a rom com
We can’t all be Sandy Bullock
by Allison Sadlier
There's a ton of great things about being in a relationship, but sadly life doesn't seem to work out like your favorite romantic comedy. Not everyone gets to be as lucky as Kate Hudson. Your boyfriend is pretty great and you're wondering if the big L–word could get dropped soon. Here's the signs he loves…
A phone sex operator got real about what it’s like talking to masturbating dudes for a living
‘I’m a cheaper version of a therapist’
by Allison Sadlier
Andrea (not her real name) spends her days at home balancing her full-time job with her second gig as a phone sex operator. The 35 year old has worked in the phone sex game on and off, but got back into it six months ago. She dropped Babe a line and dished about all the…
How to squirt: Can you do it or is it a mysterious sexual skill for the gifted few?
Let’s talk about sex
by Allison Sadlier
Squirting has been having a major moment. For some reason it's seen as this super sexy thing that women can do. It's like the female equivalent to male ejaculation because it happens for some ladies while orgasming. Can you actually learn how to squirt though?What is it?Basically everything about squirting has been debated down to…