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Men are asking women if they’ve been sexist and getting mad when we say ‘yes’
I’ve heard this story before
After a number of significant scandals involving sexism in Silicon Valley, the Wall Street Journal says more and more women in the venture capital world have begun speaking up about harassment in the workplace.
In recent weeks, nearly a dozen have reportedly come forward, saying they’ve faced unwanted and inappropriate advances from male venture capitalists while discussing work.
Apparently, a number of men have decided to join the conversation as well. The only problem is, they don’t know when to stop.
Julie Fredrickson, the chief executive and co-founder of Stowaway Cosmetics, told the Wall Street Journal that in recent days she’s received tons of messages from both ex- and current coworkers asking if they’ve ever done anything to make her uncomfortable.
While it would be amazing if they could figure it out themselves, she decided to take one for the team, calling them the “We cool?” conversations, and laying it out for them honestly.
In one instance, she describes a conversation with Charlie O’Donnell of Brooklyn Bridge Ventures in which he randomly called her to chat about a sexual-harassment scandal at another firm, and then quickly changed the topic to ask if he had ever done anything to make her feel weird at work. And he had.
She then had to legitimately explain to him why it made her uncomfortable when he once asked to bring Creamsicles to her apartment in the middle of the night. “At the time, I laughed off the notion and dissuaded him by saying I had an early meeting the next day,” she said.
According to her, he then apologized for crossing the line, just before hanging up and Facebook messaging her a defense: “I can be friendly without being flirty,” he wrote, “I should be able to.” She explains it wasn’t the first time one of these “well meaning” conversations went south.
Messaging a woman and asking if your unwanted sexual advanced have made her uncomfortable isn’t enough. Chances are, if you’re messaging to ask, it’s because you have a guilty conscience that needs clearing.
Put your ego aside, and digest what she says as well.