If you get butterflies when you see him, start running in the other direction right now

Someone mentions their name or you glimpse them on your timeline, and immediately your stomach clenches up, just before falling out of your ass (along with your dignity). It’s like taking a ride on Nitro — you know it’s a bad idea, but you’re going to do it anyway.

You think it’s a sign that they’re The One™, and eventually you begin seeking the thrill of it. You’re hoping they’ll pop up around the corner, or you’ll bump into them outside the bathroom of the next party you attend, and eventually you’re obsessing over it.

But don’t trust your friends who tell you, “Never settle for anything less than butterflies” because they definitely do not have your best interest in mind. Obsession isn’t always a good thing.

According to Jean Fitzpatrick, LP, a premarital therapist in NYC, butterflies are actually a symptom of your body’s fight-or-flight response kicking in. It’s your body telling you that you need to run from whatever you are about to encounter, because it probably won’t end well — a way of protecting itself against what it cannot control.

“The one thing we know is that, in order to be in a relationship, we have to make ourselves vulnerable,” she says, “and that can create anxiety for a lot of people, especially if you don’t think the person in question necessarily deserves it.

“You’re recognizing a negative trait in another person, and it’s causing anxiety.”

Butterflies are your adrenaline kicking in, and your blood rushing to your gut. You’re confusing your body’s warning signs with romance, and it will fuck you up for the rest of your life.

You don’t have to do this to yourself. You can still get out. Do not stick around and wait for someone who gives your butterflies — do not even settle for them.

Run.

Related stories recommended by this writer:

● Warning signs that you should avoid a guy (by a guy)
● I just found the most genius way to unsee someone’s Instagram story
● Why won’t your boyfriend have sex anymore because you’re about to lose it

@carolinephinney