The golden rule of dating is only one of you can be fucked up
There can only be so much crazy before it gets all Sid and Nancy
by Una Dabiero
Everyone has their own criteria for dating. Maybe you only like tall guys or short guys. Maybe you CANNOT date someone who watches Archer. Better yet, maybe you have banned musicians from your bed because they are certifiably the worst.
I'm here to tell you none of your dating criteria are as important as THE most important question to test your compatibility with the new boo: is he fucked up? Because there's really only room for one person who acts slightly problematic.
Seriously, we all know there's two roles in a relationship. First, there's the person who stays out too late, makes questionable substance decisions, and sometimes leaves you on read because they're pissed you ordered brown rice instead of white rice in their Chipotle bowl. Then, there's the person who somehow deals with all of this, pays their bills, and still has time to whiten their teeth every other Thursday at 6 p.m.
Relationships cannot exist if both people are fucked up. You just compete back and forth to see who can be the most sad. Then, you blow up when one of you realize you aren't the designated mess. Like, how dare you have more issues than me? I get to be the complicated one!
This ends up ruining the good friendship you had before you started dating. You know, the one where you would get high, eat Cheetos on his filthy plaid cloth couch, and cry about your messed-up childhoods.
Before you start dating again, it's time to have a genuine reflection session and ask yourself: how fucked up am I? If you have a 401k and a goldendoodle named Sparky, you can probably date the dude with full sleeves and a tinder profile that says "trying to get away from it all."
But until you don't go to work in last nights makeup with a pocketful of valium, you should probably find yourself a guy who talks about his lovely two-parent childhood and family beach house.
Trust me, you'll be thanking me.
Someone started a hate campaign against Millie Bobby Brown and it’s filled with horrible tweets
by Katie Way
A trending hashtag right now, #TakeDownMillieBobbyBrown, is full of photoshopped tweets and presumably falsified accounts designed to make the Stranger Things darling look like a homophobic edgelord and it's incredibly fucked up. The words and pictures that Millie stands "accused" of posting are nowhere to be seen on her actual Twitter account, nor is there…
Everyone you’ll inevitably run into when you go home for Thanksgiving
Your hometown’s greatest hits
by Katie Way
Thanksgiving is a relatively simple holiday, especially if you toss aside all of the weird, shaky historical context. Basically, you go home and eat a long, early dinner with your family members and then watch football instead of the Godfather marathon that's on AMC every year. But since that straightforward premise brings everybody home at…
This girl just invented the most genius way to sneak snacks into the movies, and I’m truly in awe of her intellect
Thomas Edison could never
by Katie Way
I've said it before and I'll say it again: women are smarter than men. And now, thanks to Twitter user @AngelaBrisk, next time I say that and some dude tries to challenge me I'll have definitive proof that I'm right. If you've ever tried to bring outside food into a movie theater, you know that…