We asked girls about the weirdest things they’ve used to masturbate and learned they all need to go to church
Don’t hate, masturbate
by Jenn Ficarra
Sometimes you'll be sitting, minding your own business when suddenly the urge to get off will just hit you. Maybe you saw a picture of Jon Snow's butt. Maybe you were watching old clips from The L Word. Maybe you got a text from your ex and you start think about that one night in the bar bathroom after four tequila shots.
Point is, sometimes you're horny AF and you need to masturbate. Like now. And sometimes, you know that your fingers won't be enough so you take some creative liberties and use anything you've got near you.
If you think it's weird that you've masturbated with a hair brush just know that it's not. Also, you're definitely, positively not alone. And you also, maybe, need to go to church. Praying for y'all :/
"I was on vacation with my family and they all went to the beach but I stayed behind because I was slow moving. I saw this cucumber on the counter and I just grabbed it and used it. I think someone in a movie did it once and that's where I got the idea."
"I was at work and so horny that I sort of just bundled a sweater between my legs and shifted back and forth on it. No one was around, it was a slow day, but it worked! Now I kind of just subtly masturbate around the office all the time."
"Umm… I once used my sister's hair brush. She was really annoying me and she went out with her friends so I snuck into her room and grabbed her brush to masturbate with. My own form of revenge. I mean I washed the handle but she still doesn't know it's been in me."
"It was Christmas morning and I was hornier than ever and everyone was waiting for me to open gifts but I was so tired so I just laid in bed and then I dunno, I just started wriggling around on the stuffed animal I slept next to."
"When I was a teen, all I used was the fucking shower head — like the actual water stream. I read about it in a book when I was around 11 and thought, hmm lemme see… Immediately I was like, yup this that shit I do like."
"I was home alone and watching Cinemax on the couch so I grabbed a wooden spoon and it felt so fucking good. I swear to God. When I was done I ran it through the dishwasher and then the next day I saw my mom using it to cook."
"I once leaned against the bathroom cabinet and my clit kinda rubbed up there and then I just rubbed back and forth and back and forth until I came."
"A pen. Don't ask."
Some old guy once said that necessity is the mother of invention and you know what? I think he was right. Can someone please patent a hair brush that doubles as a vibrator? K thanks.
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