Women prefer ‘short, pudgy men’ according to a new study by short, pudgy men

I'm seriously not proud to say, I've seen a lot of Tinder profiles over the course of my life. Girls, boys, pugs you name it.

The guys ones usually go a little something like: 6'1" because apparently that matters. I like girls who take the initiative, so message first because I won't. Don't be boring. Not interested in being your texting friend. Don't be fat in real life.

We already knew their standards were both unrealistic and astronomically high. So it makes sense that according to a new study by Match.com – which analyzed the profiles of millions of members – men prefer blonde, blue-eyed women. A sorority girl's Instagram could have told you that.

But can somebody please tell me why according to the very same study, women prefer short, pudgy men?

Not only have I seen a lot of Tinder profiles, but I've spoken to a lot of girls, and not one of them has ever confided in me about the fact they secretly fantasize about someone like that going down on them.

Not to say they wouldn't do a good job, but the picture conjured is hardly food for thought while masturbating.

Either all of my friends have been lying to me for my entire life, or Match.com has some chubby little dudes on their staff.

@carolinephinney