These people are all living in 3017 while you struggle to make it in 2017

Take a deep breath and know this next sentence is written out of tremendous love: You are stupid.

I'm stupid, too! It's fine! We're just a whole mess of bumbling morons struggling to not die in blazing wildfire infernos or in a SuperHurricane™ or in one of Grand Wizard Pence's patent-pending Death Chutes.

Even though the human race is collectively dumb, there are a few brilliant standouts who make staying alive worth it. They inspire us with their insane lifehacks, their commitment to cheating on their partners, their "shortcuts" that make us wonder which of us is actually the dumb one in that situation (hint: it's always you).

So here they are, the chosen geniuses living in 3017 (and please note that's 9 whole years more futuristic than the 3008 Fergie sang about):

This player tryna fuck via EBay DMs:

We're cumming to the RYTHM now, get with it:

I don't see how this is easier but I appreciate the ingenuity?

When will your feed be this iconic? Answer: never:

Cool…coffee purse? Sorry, someone explain this to me:

#NUTHACK:

The year is 3017. Your American dollars are useless. The Euro is at a historic low. The NaziBots policing the waterlogged highways will only accept this at toll payment:

OK, this one is actually smart:

When you hear a British rapper singing about shooters:

You're telling me men can now have the deep waves of their dreams and keep their precious retinas free of harmful rays?!

Henry Ford is shaking:

Someone better come get their son:

And finally: