A definitive answer to the age-old debate: Should you fuck your friend?
This is why I don’t have friends
by Gail Vivar
The story usually goes likes this: You have a hot friend who's been your low-key crush for ages, but the friendship is just too good to mess up.
Your try to hold off, but it's so hard. Suddenly, you begin to notice your best friend isn't just cute, he's hot and now you can't stop thinking about jumping on top of him. I mean, we're basically on the brink of a nuclear holocaust — should you just for it?
Of course like any good journalist out there, I asked relationship experts and young women about the age-old debate of whether fucking your best friend is ever a good idea.
"Having sex with one of your friends can be a great idea or a terrible idea depending on the context and your expectations," says Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and co-author of It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Rule of Dating, Debunked.
Syrtash says the only time she doesn't recommend going for it is when you have deep feelings you don't think he reciprocates. In other words, you've gotta know that there's a strong possibility it'll just be sex and nothing more. Come to think of it, that's a good rule for dealing with all men.
Danielle Adinolfi, a couple, family and sex therapist in Philadelphia, says it's critical to examine what type of friendship you have before risking it all and going for it.
"If your friendship is more laid back, and you consider yourself to be a pretty well-balanced person who can understand the parameters of this type of relationship, then go for it," she says.
It's obvious the relationship will change, but Danielle says having sex with a friend changes the nature of the relationship and all subconscious rules and roles that have been established are now different. Basically, the friendship as you know it will be over.
Her advice is to talk about the sex openly and honestly afterwards to establish new rules, roles and boundaries. "The relationship is automatically going to be different, but that doesn't mean it has to end."
Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based relationship expert and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship, says it boils down to one thing: are you willing to not have that person in your life if it all goes south?
"If you're not ready to take that risk," she warns, "Stay out of your friend's bed!"
Since I've fucked up a good friendship, I asked college women who committed the same mistake or found love with their best friend about their stance with the debate.
Team Never Ever
"Having sex with friends is always a no for me. We all have that one really hot friend, or someone with whom there's a ton of sexual tension, but more often than not it always ends up as awkward or dramatic. It's a dub!" –Alexa
"You always think it's a good idea at the time but when it actually happens, you realize it's a horrible idea. Someone always catches feelings!" –Carly
"I had sex with a close friend from high school and he's still a friend I hang out with. Sometimes it is awkward around us because we hooked up and it was not worth damaging our friendship." -Jasmine
"If you really want to, and just don't care at ALL then do it. Trust me, it gets complicated and your life will be filled with awkward situations with a person who could have been someone random with no history whatsoever attached to him." –Katie
"I had sex for the first time last year and it was with my friend. I was ready to have sex and we had a lot of physical chemistry so it seemed perfect to start having sex with him because I'd still be single but I could get some practice and not get my feelings hurt. Well I ended up really falling in love with him. Not exclusively cause of sex, I don't know if the act of sex is actually what makes a difference but just being that kind of intimate with someone opens up so many doors. You've seen each other naked, he literally almost put his penis in my asshole by accident the first time, like even doing missionary, and I was like, 'Nope, that's my asshole.' -Angie
Team Go For It
"Having sex with a friend has a lot of benefits! First of all, you trust them a lot more then a random stranger or fuckboy. Second of all, if you're anything like me, you've probably talked about sex before with your friend or they have at least heard a few of your shagging stories so they know what you like in bed and you know what they like! I think as long as you both are open about your intentions, and both parties agree that your feelings don't go beyond friendship, everything will be fine!" -Rebecca
"I had sex with the only person I considered my best friend, and it was life changing. We ended up together for awhile and even though now we're not, we're still friends. I don't know if it was just this moment of getting literally as close as you can to someone but it was also the first good sex I ever had." -Samantha
"I think it depends on the situation. As long as you're on the same page with feelings and you discuss boundaries and intentions and also what it means to both of you." –Anabelle
As an intellectual, I would say weigh out the pros and cons but as a person who never thinks with her love life, the definite answer to this debate is UNCLEAR. Sorry.
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