Your stage-by-stage guide to sending heart-stopping risky texts

You know. I know. We all know. There is nothing scarier in this life than sending a risky text.

Maybe you're about to call out your friend for talking shit. Maybe you're about to tell your crush you like them. Maybe you're drunk as hell and trying to text your mom "Everything is fine :)" while you're seeing triple.

Because I know you're gonna do it anyway, at least do it the right way.

Stage One: Determination

You've been waiting a long time to say what you needed to say and now's the moment. Now is the time. You're tired of thinking and you want to do. No one can talk you out of it. You are determined to send this text so you begin your composition.

Stage Two: Doubt

You've typed up what you needed to. You've said your peace and it sounds damn good. Clear. Concise. Straight to the point. There's no mincing words but… wait… shit… what if you're too harsh? Should I add an emoji? A 'lol' at the end in case they get mad? Coming on too strong? Or not strong enough? Should you even be doing this? What about a sassy Real Housewives gif for levity.

Like, "Why did you not call me back after I blew you while your roommate was away? That wasn't cool *fox emoji* *crystal ball emoji* *Nene Leakes bloop gif*

Stage Three: Blackout

You're so overcome with doubt that your synapses stop mapping memories and before you know it, you've hit the send button.

Stage Four: Panic

"You dumb bitch, WHY DID YOU HIT SEND?! Your fat fucking thumb just slipped or what? Why are you even alive you ABSOLUTE WASTE OF OXYGEN I WISH MOM HAD ABORTED YOU!" is my internal monologue, what about yours?

Stage Five: Calm

Finally, your panic subsides and you come to terms with what you've done. C'est la vie and all that shit. What's done is done so might as well sit back and focus on other stuff. Say your mantras. Do your yoga. Or at least wear yoga pants. Forget about the whole thing and find your center of peace.

Besides, maybe their phone broke or they got a new number so they won't even read it. Or maybe they died? Yes, that's definitely what happened so let's continue living life as if we hadn't sent it at all.

Stage Six: Fear

Everything is fine and then those three little dots appear. You've never felt fear like this in your life. Your knees are weak. Your palms are sweaty. You're about to throw up mom's spaghetti.

Stage Seven: Crashing

They've responded. You're coming down from your fear cyclone and your body and mind are crashing. You take your time opening the text but you're so emotionally spent you can't even register what they've said. You're done. You're through. You have nothing left to exert on this person and this conversation. Maybe they responded positively. Maybe what they said has ruined your life and now you need to go into Witness Protection. Either way, you're done. It's done. You've just gone through more emotional turmoil than most experience in a lifetime. You've completely and utterly crashed.

It's done now. You're done. You've gone through all the stages of sending a risky text and maybe it was worth it. Maybe it wasn't. But despite all of that, you know eventually you'll send another risky text.

@jenniferficarra