Missionary sex isn’t safe anymore either because apparently nothing is sacred

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Missionary sex isn’t safe anymore either because apparently nothing is sacred

Now we’re going to have to get on top and . . .

First they came for doggy, and I did not speak out, because I can't throw it back. Then they came for vaginal fisting, and I did not speak out, because I can't reach my fist down there anyway. Then they came for food during foreplay, and I did not speak out, because the food never makes it that far.

Then they came for missionary—and there was no one left to speak for me.

People hating on missionary is something akin to people hating on Top 40. Not liking something because it's popular is super contradictory and also really 2007. But now we're all going to get a taste of our own medicine, because we don't know what it's like to love something until it's gone.

The issue facing us today is that missionary sex has been deemed unsafe, and what we once thought was safe and vanilla has been pulled out from under us — kind of like Taylor Swift.

Doctors have become increasingly worried about mens' dicks sliding out, smashing into the bed and breaking (which seems like a bizarre concern, but it's not like we haven't met people unwieldy enough to make it happen.)

Now we're going to have to get on top and like, actually do shit. It was so much better pretending like things were fine from below; When you're lying on your back, your eyes kind of just cup the tears in there.

Let's all take a moment next time we're with a man, to explain to him how to thrust without literally busting out. We are all a part of the problem, and we can all come together to fix this.

#makemissionarysafeagain

@carolinephinney