Wanna know why you keep getting ghosted? Because you call it ‘ghosting’
Breadcrumbing is all our fault, too
In today's world, if you tell someone your situationship ended because he "ghosted", they get the picture. Nowadays, we have a different cute euphemism for just about every bad dating behavior.
Breadcrumbing is for when you don't want to officially end things so you send random texts, offer likes on their latest Insta, and send a few Snapchats just to keep them on the hook. Cushioning is that thing when you have a few people on the back-burner in case your number one falls apart. Oh, and then there's zombieing where someone who ghosted you tries to come back from the dead. Dating is fun.
Why do we do this, though? Why do we give cutesy names to bad behaviors?
According to Dictionary.com lexicographer Jane Solomon, these euphemisms evolve with the need to explain something not easily identifiable. Solomon tells Brit+Co that "dating can be harsh, but these terms give us a relatively lighthearted way to discuss very real disappointment and trauma."
AKA these cute terms help lessen the very brutal feeling of being rejected.
Fine. Fair. But am I the only one who feels like ghosting doesn't help ease the pain but make it sting more? When you're ghosted, you're thrown away like a piece of trash and not treated with human decency. Ghosting perpetuates the feeling that you don't matter, you're easily disposable, and you're just another person they're cycling through. You're a stop along the way, not the destination.
These days, shit behavior like ghosting is more popular than ever. Which makes sense, according to Caitlin Bergstein, a matchmaker with Three Day Rule. Ghosting seemed to pave the way for all of those other cutesy dating terms that describe the minutiae dating habits of individuals like haunting and catfishing.
Bergstein says, though, that normalizing these dating behaviors with cute terms only perpetuates the bad behavior.
“The popularization of these terms has led to an increase in them happening,” Bergstein tells Brit+Co. “While it’s still awful, it’s no longer as big of a deal if someone is ghosted. That’s just a part of dating now.”
“As long as it continues to be easy to get away with these horrible behaviors and simply move on to the next, society will continue to accept, embrace, and create new cutesy terms that make others’ actions seem less hurtful,” Bergstein adds.
Cool. So I guess we're all doomed, then? Bergstein says no, weirdly enough.
"Not everyone who is dating is looking to ghost, breadcrumb, bench, etc. Your biggest mistake would be to assume that everyone is trying to participate in these behaviors," Bergstein finishes.
I guess that's a small silver lining — there are actual good people out there who aren't looking to screw you over. There are honest people looking for real, meaningful relationships but, maybe, they're just harder to find.
If anyone out there knows of any cute, single, available and looking for a relationship kind of guy, please tell them to slide into my DMs. It's almost cuffing season and I need some love.
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