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No offense, but Velma from Scooby-Doo was thicc as hell
She’s had that ass since 1969
by Amanda Ross
Think of our modern day curvy heroes: Amber Rose, Nicki Minaj, 2017 Hillary Duff, Fiona the Hippo, assorted Kardashians dependent on how much time they spend around disgraced basketball stars.
But what if I told you that we've been ignoring a dumbbb thicc icon for decades now? That she's always been a part of your life, your childhood, hiding her slim-thicc body beneath a pumpkin-colored turtleneck since the Nixon Administration?
Velma Dinkley was one thicc bish.
I mean, look at that snatched waist?? Does she waist-train? If Velma started doing that Instagram pose where you sit on your knees and arch your ass, she'd have an online swimsuit campaign by now.
All of this also furthers my long-standing theory that Velma was freaqqi as hell. Not to rely totally on tropes and stereotypes, but's always the girls in sweaters and glasses who want to pull out bondage tape and a pegging harness. Is it wrong to say that Velma would ride it like she stole it?
Velma has been thicc since her original 1969 depiction. Look at the way her knit sweater cannot and will not hide her ginormous titties:
Look at her forearms and wrists! Velma is a beautiful, healthy woman who enjoys both food and being the smartest person in the room. I love this thicc icon. In every iteration of Velma, we've seen her incredible bod.
Here's the bizarre, terrifying live-action movies:
Here she is in some kind of cartoon reboot:
Aaaaand here's a porn!
Which is why everyone was so horrified to see that in the latest, relaunched version of Scooby-Doo, Velma looked like this:
For fuck's sake, Daphne looks thiccer than Velma! Which is a crime!
It's sad, frankly! Like, of course Velma would be beautiful no matter what size she is, but she's no longer our girl. And as a politically-minded woman, I can't just sit back and do nothing.
I've created a Change.org petition to restore Velma to her thicc glory. Please, if you care about the sexual awakenings of the next generation, sign it and help make Velma thicc again.