ALERT: Disney is remaking ‘Hocus Pocus’

Attention sisters and virgins: Disney is remaking Hocus Pocus and I am fucking livid.

According to E! News, the remake is in early stages of development and is being written by The Royals writer Scarlett Lacey. As of now, the original director, Kenny Ortega, is not attached. Neither is any of the original cast including the iconic Sanderson Sisters — Bette Midler, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Kathy Najimy.

It's going to have a whole new cast. Is nothing sacred anymore?

Let me tell you what you're not going to do, Disney, you're not going to take something sacred and beautiful and bastardize it for your G-rated TV channel. You're not gonna do it.

We want black flame candles. We want virgins. We want ya-bos. We want teenage sexual tension you could cut with a Butterfinger. We want Bette Midler giving us the musical performance of a generation. We want innuendo. We want Thackery Binx.

We want a sequel. Not a remake. Is that clear?

Someone better form a calming circle STAT because I am fuming.

Come, sisters, let us revolt and stop the remake before it happens.

GIVE US A SEQUEL OR GIVE US DEATH, DISNEY.

@jenniferficarra