Just reading these blowjob horror stories will make your throat hurt in solidarity

We all do embarrassing things. You know, like slipping in front of a group of people or burping on accident or apparently RIPPING SOMEONE'S PENIS PIERCING OUT.

If we've learned anything from working for this godforsaken website, it's babe readers have awkward moments on lock. Y'all are freaks, but at least you have good taste.

Here's your blow job horror stories. Feel free to screenshot, scream, and massage your throat in solidarity:

The girl whose mouth went numb

"A friend of mine tried to be sexy and put a condom on with just her mouth. A few minutes after getting into it, her mouth started to feel funny and she had to stop. When they turned the lights on, she realized she accidentally used one of those pleasure condoms and her mouth had reacted to the numbing lube on the outside." – Sierra, 22

The girl whose blowjob turned bloody

"My girlfriend was giving a guy a blow job who had a piercing. Somehow got caught on her tongue ring and ripped his penis. He bled profusely all over her. Whole new meaning to a facial." – Katie, 24

The girl who dislocated her jaw

"I have jaw issues in the first place because it's misaligned or whatever. But my boyfriend absolutely dies for a good blow. It was a good 20- to 30-minute job because I was being a tease and having fun with it, but I also tried deep-throating to get a reaction. Needless to say, it worked and he was over the moon. But after my jaw really hurt and I couldn't figure out why. It hurt to move, open, or speak. I drove an hour home and it still hurt. When I got to my place, I pressed my hand against the side that hurt and LITERALLY SLID THE JOINT BACK INTO PLACE. It was horrifying. My boyfriend felt bad, so I got some good 'I'm sorry' oral later on." – Nayla, 23

The girl who had it come out of her NOSE

"One Valentine's Day in High School, I wanted to give my boyfriend the BEST gift. I had never given him head before, so I wanted to try it out. Apparently I was bent over too far, so when he came, semen came out of my nose. Not only that, it got on my dress – and it's not like I could go home and change. I cried and tried rubbing it out in the bathroom. I guess it didn't look too bad, because no one noticed. He thought it was hilarious though." – Hailey, 19

The girl who walked into a restaurant covered in cum

"A guy came in my eyes. We were in the back of his truck, and didn't have any water or anything to wash it out. It burned like hell. He sat there and laughed at me while my eyes were on fire. So I made him take me to the nearest bathroom, which happened to be at a restaurant. I walked into this restaurant with cum all over my face running for the bathroom. I went in the bathroom, and a lady was giving me looks as was splashing water in my face. I looked at her and was like "honey, we've all been there once." And left the place. Bastard." – Ashley, 21

The girl who did it in a race car bed

"Once in college, I met this guy at a bar who wanted to go back to his place. He wasn't staying in his dorm because he was housesitting for a local family friend. We went back to this really nice house, and he said he felt awkward getting sexy in the king-sized bed. Instead, I ended up giving him head in a race car bed. I shit you not. It's still the most horrifying thing that's happened to me." – Stacey, 24

The girl who had to lie to her mom

"I was going down on an ex and he came on my face after I told him not to. It got in my eye, swelled and ended up getting super red. Then my mom picked me up and I had to make up a story about why my eye was fucked up. BOI BYE." – Kara, 19

The girl whose guy smelled like mold

"My ex wasn't the cleanest and one time I went down and it honestly stunk of moldy cheese. I almost threw up. Even now, I remember that smell. Good thing he's an ex." – Layla, 21

The girl whose boyfriend vomited

"After a night out and way too many drinks, my boyfriend and I went back to my house to mess around. I started giving him a BJ and he sat up, mouth pull of puke and panic in his eyes. After puking, he said 'You sucked my dick so good you made me puke.'" – Maria, 25

The girl who got an 'accidental' money shot

"He didn't say he was about to cum, I went up for air and bam, money shot. I'll never understand why some guys will just let loose with ZERO warning." – Gianna, 20

The girl who thought her gum was a growth

The first time I ever gave head, I was so scared. I wanted to impress him even though I was nervous because it was my first time and I was terrified of catching an STD. I was so scared, I didn't notice I was chewing gum until it was on his shaft and lost its color, thus looking like a horrific growth. I freaked out and screamed, 'I thought you said you didn't have anything!' He goes 'I don't. That's your gum, dumbass.'" – Cheyanne, 24

The girl who got a mouthful of pee

"My freshman year of college, I went on a movie date with this guy then went back to my place. The second I put it in my mouth he was like 'I need to cum' and I was like, 'What? That's so fast.' I thought it was weird, but I let him cum. Then, I realized WTF THIS IS NOT CUM. It was way too thin. I realized two seconds later it was pee. He didn't have to cum – he had to pee. " – Laura, 21