Cheating on someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them

babe  • 

Cheating on someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them

It has nothing to do with respect

Everyone always says if you truly respect a person you're dating, you won't be able to cheat on them. But cheating has literally nothing to do with respect.

You can be mad at a partner for sleeping with someone else — you can kick them out, you can sleep with their friends, you can even break up with them. But you can't be sure they did it because they aren't in love with you, because it's not all about you. The whole point of cheating is that it's selfish.

It's the difference between love and lust. You don't love every person you have sex with, but you probably lust after them. And people in relationships lust after other people all the time — so why do we hold sex to a different standard?

If your partner told you they thought another person was hot, you wouldn't start prepping for a breakup. You might roll your eyes or ghost them for a few hours, but you wouldn't assume they wanted to be with that other person. Sex can be an extremely emotional, romantic act, but it can also be shallow and empty.

Sometimes sex is just fun. The one night stand your partner has with someone else isn't the same sex they're having with you. There's probably a lot less eye contact; they probably won't fall asleep intertwined after. The next day they probably won't wake up and think "Wow, I am in love with this person lying next to me."

Sometimes a partner is just keeping you on a shelf, but that means they fell out of love with you long before sleeping with someone else. The sex isn't usually the thing that pushes someone over the edge.

It's the same way you don't know what you have until it's gone — how are you supposed to know you love someone until you realize it doesn't feel the same with someone else.

@carolinephinney

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