Every girl has a ‘blacklist’ and to cross it is to die
Well, not literally. But you might as well
by Jenn Ficarra
Whether you dated for one month, five years, or just crushed on them from afar there are guys that are yours and yours alone which means they are off-limits to all of your friends.
The rules are simple and finite: if you've ever had a pitter-patter in your heart for said guy they are explicitly off-limits to all of your friends. Girls know this. We abide by this. It's practically written in stone.
2017 and girls still don’t understand that you can’t date your best friends ex….
— juli (@Kiwijulii) October 4, 2017
Number one rule in unwritten book of girl code is don't date your friends ex…. am I wrong?
— shante mckissick (@heyshantehey) October 1, 2017
Some may argue that if you've never even had a romantic fling with someone then they're fair game. If you've never dated then why can't they move in? The answer, my friends, is a bit more complicated than a "because I said so." Even though that frankly should be a good enough answer.
The truth is that whether or not you dated said person or they even know you're alive you shifted something inside of you and made room in your heart and your dreams for this person. You, in some way, altered yourself enough to let them into your thoughts and that's tough. That's hard. It's not easy to take what your heart gives you and run with it but with this person you did. Even if nothing came of it, you let them in. Whether they knew it or not, you had room for them. That's a big deal.
Emotional ties are tough to break and even if he was your high school crush that didn't even know your name your friends should know that it's probably not a good idea to pursue. You have history with this person and even if it's made up history, it's history nonetheless. And your friends just need to respect that.
The guy blacklist is filed under girl code. And in girl code, you just don't go for anyone your friend's have had an emotional attachment to. It's not fair to them and it's not fair to you.
Exceptions can be made, of course. I don't think it's right for anyone to veto a true love connection even if it's your best friend and your ex from three years ago. There are footnotes in the girl code for such circumstances lest they arise. But more often than not, it's not going to be that soulmate connection so really, is it worth the strife?
To avoid the heartaches and drama just avoid anyone your friend has had a connection with. It's truly for the best. Don't be a Spencer and start dating your friend's Caleb. Don't be the Blair who dates Dan. Go out and find your own dudes to ruin your life. Don't rely on your friend's shitty cast offs to cause you turmoil.
Men get one chance. One shot. And that's not a per-person thing. That's a per-group thing. They get one go at it and if they fuck it up they're officially out. They're no longer welcome in anyone one's mouth or vagina and they certainly should not be pursued. They've been blacklisted for a reason and all girls should respect that.
The blacklist isn't science. It isn't perfect. But it's important. Friends just don't date other friend's boyfriends. They just don't.
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