Here’s why you should act batshit insane at the beginning of a relationship

I've always thought the number one thing when it comes to dating is to not be crazy. Be chill. Don't freak out. Don't give them a reason to run away from you.

That advice, so far, has never worked in my favor. In trying to only show one facet of my personality I was doing myself and my partners a disservice. It was like getting only the cookie part of the Oreo. The cream was being withheld and it wasn't working. I needed to be a full Oreo but was so scared that if I allowed myself ~too many emotions~ these guys would run.

That's what we're taught, isn't it? Control yourself. Be a cool girl. Don't be difficult and don't be too emotional. God forbid we showed any emotion beyond "oh yes that feels so good." It'd be too much for him and he wouldn't want you. He'd label you "crazy" and crazy isn't a great place to be.

But something happened recently — I started to like this new guy. Really like him. And I tried to do what I always did — go with the flow, hide my feelings, play it cool. Then… I got drunk.

What came next was a barrage of the most batshit insane drunken texts I have ever sent in my life. These texts completely disregarded the game plan. I told him how much I liked him and how badly I wanted him. I went full-on Helga Pataki. The next morning I for sure thought I would have to enter witness protection. I would never hear from him again.

How could I? I went crazy. I was insane. Guys don't like that, remember?

But he… he texted me back. And we hung out. And we have plans to hang out again. He took my insane texts in stride and hell, even felt flattered. He was kind of relived that he wasn't the only one who got drunk and sent a barrage of texts (he'd sent me a few drunk texts before my drunken tirade).

Friends assured me that he must really like me for him to want to continue to talk to me after that charade. And maybe… maybe they're right. Maybe because I got my crazy out of the way all my cards were now on the table.

The problem with trying to be a cool girl is you always have to keep yourself in check and the moment you slip up and let a little bit of insanity out, they get confused. They wonder where this alter-ego came from and don't know how to proceed.

But maybe because I went full personality so quickly he now knows what he's getting. He's seen the worst I have to offer and now, we can move forward without wondering when the other shoe would drop because, well, it's already dropped.

I'm not a psychic, I can't see the future. This thing might crash and burn. I hope it doesn't but if it does I've at least learned a valuable lesson: not to hide my emotions because I'm worried it'll make me seem crazy.

The truth is we're all a little bit crazy and we're doing ourselves a disservice by trying to hide who we are. So stop trying to contain yourself — be emotive. Be honest. Say what you need and want to say. Dare to be the "crazy bitch" and who knows? You might just find it'll work in your favor.

@jenniferficarra