Fuck playing hard-to-get

When it comes to dating we're told, under no uncertain terms, that you should play hard to get. We need to be mysterious and hold our cards close to our chests. We need to play the game.

Get more than you give. Make someone chase you. Be elusive. These are the rules by which we are expected to play.

But I'm calling bullshit on the whole charade. Fuck playing hard to get and just be real.

The first problem with playing hard to get is this: it reinforces the idea that love is nothing more than a game. Well, what happens when the game is done? Are you going to still be interested in that person or will their allure die out once the chase is over?

By playing hard to get you're presenting this false persona of an aloof, unattainable, enigmatic, and secretive person. Then what? You enter into a relationship and suddenly your partner is confused by your open and energetic personality. They're consumed with multiple texts a day from you. What happened to the girl who was chill to let them do what they wanted and texted back sporadically?

What happens when the guy who expertly navigated your waters with precise texts and Snapchats and meme tags suddenly stops doing all of that? What happens when he's not as exciting because he's not trying? Are you still into this person or has the allure of him faded too?

The second problem with playing hard to get is that it confuses being unattainable with genuine disinterest. Playing hard to get allows men to think that by a woman not responding to their texts or not agreeing to dates it's them playing a game when really, the woman isn't interested. It crosses wires and makes it hard to accurately differentiate between genuine interest and affection and genuine disdain.

I've done my fair share of playing hard to get. Wasting genuine time in a cat-and-mouse game instead of using that time to get to know someone to see if it was a viable thing. And usually? It wasn't. But it took me way longer to get to that point because I was too consumed by the game. In the end, when the game was done, I realized I was over the person I'd been playing with.

But playing hard to get is bullshit. It's just one more thing making it that much harder to connect with someone. We need to start being real and honest and open with our feelings.

We're so scared of being rejected and hurt we hide behind games but they don't really work, do they? Does playing hard to get ever work out in the end for anyone? At some point, someone breaks and the game stops being fun… it stops being a game and reality bites.

Why can't we just be real? Why can't we tell someone we like them without thinking we've scared them off? Why can't we respond as soon as they text us? Why can't we just be ourselves?

I've started to be more open and honest with guys. Has it always worked out? No. It hasn't. A lot of them still enjoy the game. But I know that eventually it will work out. I'm myself from the start and even when things don't work I'm not mad that I wasted time because I was honest. I'd rather be rejected for being 100 percent. myself than be rejected for being a fake persona.

I'm done playing hard to get. I refuse to subscribe to the notion that I need to convince someone to like me. I don't want to have to play hard to get in an effort to maybe hook someone. I am who I am. Like me or don't but I'm not going to play a game to get you to do so.

It's time to start being real. We need to be open and honest. We don't have to pour our hearts out on date three but we need to start being real. The only way to find a real connection is to be real from the beginning.

So fuck playing hard to get. Games are supposed to be fun but this game? There's nothing fun about it.

@jenniferficarra