Do we actually have high standards or do we just want to be treated like humans?
A question for the ages
by Jenn Ficarra
We live in a society that has set the bar disgustingly low. The standard for a good guy has become "he texted me back" and "he doesn't make me feel like sub-human garbage."
Why are we praising minimal, humane, respectable behavior as being "relationship goals?"
In an interview with The Atlantic, Professor Eli Finkel from Northwestern University discusses his new book The All-Of-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work. He tells The Atlantic that we are expecting too much out of our relationships and we're needing our partners to be all things at all times. And I hear him, I do, but I politely object.
She doesn't have high standards, she just knows what she deserves.
— Amina (@aminahsafdar) October 16, 2017
Expecting your partner to bring something to the table beyond "omg he brought me a coffee without asking" isn't having high standards or expecting too much. It's assuming that another person in this relationship will give it their all and work just as hard as you will.
But we've stopped expecting to be treated right so when someone does something that's not complete dog shit our minds are blown and believe that person is a unicorn. We're so used to shitty treatment and disrespecting behavior that when someone comes along and doesn't do something completely and utterly awful we're amazed. It's as if relationship goals has become synonymous with being treated like a human.
It shouldn't be that way though. Right?
You are allowed to have high standards. Expecting a certain level of treatment from your partner doesn't make you a monster, it makes you a human being.
It's the golden rule — treat others how you wish to be treated. And, if I can add an addendum to the golden rule — expect to be treated how you would treat others.
For so long we've become complacent with the treatment standards being presented to us. We shouldn't be in awe that John Legend takes Chrissy Teigen's necklaces off when she's drunk. We shouldn't be amazed when a boyfriend sits and actively listens to his girlfriend talk about her bad day. We shouldn't be shook when a guy responds to a text.
These are not relationship goals! They should be relationship standards!
How is John taking off my jewelry "relationship goals" like your fuckin boyfriend won't take your necklace off jfc leave him
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 14, 2017
There's a difference between being a messy overdramatic bitch who can't do anything by herself and a strong ass woman who on some days needs more support than others. But expecting and asking a partner to pick up some emotional slack is not asking too much! Having high standards and expecting a certain level of treatment won't doom a relationship. Asking to be treated with intent and effort isn't too much.
And if someone thinks it's too much then guess what? You're better off without them.
If this y’all relationship goals then y’all DUMB they’re literally eating a fucking donut https://t.co/tfce4xACJc
— Pumpkin Bri (@NoPressure_Ari) October 11, 2017
We don't have high standards. We're just asking to be treated like human beings. I don't think that's too much to ask. Do you?
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