‘He said he was a Samurai’ and other wild-ass lies men have told us

One time, I broke up with a guy and a month later he told me he had terminal cancer so I would get back together with him.

It didn't work, but it did teach me a valuable lesson: men are not only untrustworthy, they are cocky enough to think women will believe anything they say.

I am clearly not the only one who's learned this through experience. In a Twitter thread that began when @AsiaChloeBrown asked a simple question, people shared stories about the craziest lies they'd been told by men.

The entire chain is a goldmine, but we picked out a few particularly fucked-up examples for your voyeuristic enjoyment. Next time your boyfriend tells you his phone has been dead for the past day and a half, screenshot one of these tweets and expose his ass, or count your blessings that he's (probably) not hiding a wife and five kids from you.

He's the new trash

To be honest, I can envision a world where I do this.

Model behavior

Yeah, when I need advice on my career I always go to men I used to sleep with for constructive critique.

Go Tigers!

This is the kind of lie no amount of communication can fix.

Hotel for Dogs (2009)

I mean, in his defense, staying in hotels is pretty fun. I love those mini toiletries!

The warrior

It truly baffles me how anyone would think this is believable.

Sitcom scenario

Okay, but where did the accent come from then?

Moral of the story: trust no bro. If your boyfriend has a wild imagination or a creative writing degree, get the hell out before he tries to make up excuses too wild to be believed.

@k80way