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If he wants you to watch him masturbate he could be a sexual predator
Not to freak you out
It's fun to have sex! It's also fun to masturbate. It's even fun to watch your partner masturbate . . . especially when they're watching you masturbate at the same time.
But if your partner sits you down, orders you not to touch yourself and asks you to watch them get themselves off, there may be something else going on psychologically.
In 2015, Gawker published an article detailing the sexual-misconduct allegations made by female comedians against Louis C.K., in which they claim he forced them to watch him jerk off. Now, we're seeing similar allegations with men like Harvey Weinstein.
He told me to “stand there and shut up,” journalist Lauren Sivan said after she rejected his attempt to kiss her. When she said no, she claims he made her watch him masturbate into a potted plant. Model Angie Everhart claims she had a similar experience where he stood over her and made her look.
Of course, sometimes you know the person you're watching. Sometimes you're watching them because you want to. But hear us out.
Alexandra Katehakis, a sex therapist and clinical director of the Center for Healthy Sex in L.A., told NY Mag masturbation can sometimes exist as a form of sexual violence. Because it's not strictly physical and it's not strictly verbal, it falls somewhere in the blurry in between, which has begun garnering a good bit more attention in recent weeks.
Katehakis says a man who forces a woman to watch him masturbate isn't necessarily more likely to commit serious sex crimes, but "the behavior is part of a spectrum" that could allude to such behaviors.
"I don’t know that every guy who does this would go on to be a rapist," she told The Cut, "though those allegations exist against Weinstein."
It comes down to the psychological motivation behind it, she explains, it's about the "powerful sensation" a man gets from holding himself in that way. It's like saying "Look at me," she says, "He might feel like she’s here and she’s seeing me and she wants me."
It's a way of keeping his prey in the corner, providing a kind of gratification for him — a humiliation tactic which, over time, could escalate to something much more physically harmful.