The new Glossier perfume smells like another person’s house, and not in a good way

Glossier, champions of the no-makeup makeup trend, launched a perfume on Monday called You, intended to enhance your natural fragrance.

Sorry, but definitely not. The scent promises "that familiar human-y note," and it delivers: It smells the way you smell after sleeping in a friend's bed for a night. It smells like… a person.

A different person, who maybe doesn't exfoliate as often as I do.

I'm not wearing perfume so I smell like my skin, but better. I'm wearing perfume because I want my skin out of the equation entirely- if I liked the way this flesh prison stinks, why would I buy perfume in the first place? Bad marketing tactic.

I know this scent is supposed to make me feel like I smell like myself, but the only thing I want to smell like less than me is a whole other, different, naturally scented person.

I want to smell like a fucking meadow, not “your boyfriend’s neck after he has been wearing cologne for eight hours,” the way Glossier founder Emily Weiss told Vogue she intended.

First of all, I'm single, so thanks for reminding me that I don't have a beautiful, cologne-wearing boyfriend whose neck I'm constantly sniffing.

But more importantly, that just smells like a regular person's neck because perfume doesn't last that long.

I spritzed on some of the Glossier You at the beginning of the day, and couldn't shake the feeling that someone was standing really close to me from then until lunch.

But at this point, I don't smell anything other than my regular body and that's… fine. I guess. Just not really what I intended when I specifically procured a product to change that, you know?

Glossier You is available for $60 on its website, but I'm gonna have to pass. I'm not about to dish out my hard-earned cash for the prize of smelling like I'm wearing another person's skin as a light fall jacket.

I'd rather myself with a little Febreeze for special occasions than walk around reeking of another person's musk.

@k80way