I messaged guys on Tinder using only Taylor Swift lyrics and it…did not go well

I gotta start this piece off by saying that this was an assignment. Not only am I not a Taylor Swift fan — I actively dislike her. To me she feels emblematic of what's wrong with white feminism and celebrity in general.

Plus, one of my exes used to talk about how hot she is all the time, and that sucked!

Taylor and I definitely have a pretty different outlook when it comes to romance. She wants guys to remember her standing in a nice dress while staring at the sunset and I mostly want guys to favorite my tweets.

Bear that in mind as we move forward, okay?

I started this experiment off by changing my bio from something about liking anime (I know, drag me, whatever) to "Baby, just say yes" from vintage T-Swift song, Love Story.

I did not change anything else about my profile.

From there, I got to swiping indiscriminately, because that seems like the most scientific way to do this and to up my chances of someone talking to me first.

Soon, the messages began to flow. The conversations I had tended to fall in one of three categories, and — spoiler alert — none of them ended in me getting laid.

The Swift Stans

A few dudes recognized my ploy almost immediately, or with a little Google research.

Props to these guys for listening to popular music, I guess, but once my ruse was uncovered that tended to be the end of the conversation.

I'm especially upset about David, because he did not think my Blank Space joke was good and I actually really did.

The Philosophers

A few guys seemed to be really picking up what Taylor, using me as her vessel, was putting down.

They took all of the questions I asked pretty seriously, and gave me equally cryptic answers in return. These conversations tended to go on a lot longer, and I didn't really like it.

It made me feel weird, and as soon as this article is published I am unmatching the fuck outta these dudes.

The Tolerators

Some dudes will put up with anything to get laid, including my weird Swifty antics and nonsense.

It's not surprising that these dudes happen to congregate on Tinder, but it did bum me out a little bit.

Maybe I'm naïve, but I'd like to think that the game I spit is some kind of impactful when it comes to how my online dating life plays out.

Also, one guy randomly sent me Eminem lyrics, so that wasn't great.

At the end of this experiment, I learned a valuable lesson: the Taylor Swift lyrics didn't work because I wasn't being true to myself.

Confidence in who I am, really am, is what leads to romantic success, not rehashing lyrics and playing games!

Just kidding, bitches. Tinder is a cesspool and love doesn't exist!

@k80way