If you can say ‘yes’ to any of these things, you’re probably an emotional cheater
by Katie Way
Here at babe, we want to help our readers interpret the stupid, confusing, fucked up dating behaviors that the mediocre men in your lives put you through on an all-too-regular basis.
But sometimes, dear reader, the problem isn't them: it's you.
Maybe he's been your best friend since forever and you couldn't imagine a world where you don't spend regular one-on-one time with him. Maybe he's that guy at work you flirt with all the time, but only as a joke, duh!
Sure, you've got a little, teeny-tiny crush on him, but that's ridiculous because you're in love with your boyfriend. Right?
Wake up, bitch. If you're pulling any of the following antics, you're cheating, even if you're still physically faithful.
You're deleting texts
ARE YOU TEXTING OTHER BITCHES YES OR NO?!??!! pic.twitter.com/EXSkv45DNk
— valerie (@valeriediaaaz) October 17, 2017
If your partner gets jealous when you text someone else for notes from Monday's lecture, that's on him and not you. In fact, that's some controlling, scary behavior you should probably watch out for. But if your day feels incomplete whenever you don't get to text that special someone else about boring shit like feelings or Game of Thrones, or who's being mean to them at work, that's a major warning sign.
You constantly compare your boyfriend to other guys
If you find yourself sizing your partner up in comparison to that guy on the subway with the eyebrows, that's one pretty unkind thing but not the end of the world. If you're thinking about old flings while he's inside you, on the other hand, you're out of line. Check yourself, ma!
You lie to your boyfriend about who you're chilling with
We started off as “just friends” but we all know that’s a scam 😋 pic.twitter.com/FVvc1NAwbh
— Josuetinho (@Josuetinho) October 31, 2017
I'm a vocal proponent of the ability for straight guys and straight girls to be totally platonic friends. But if you've got a platonic, straight male friend that you spend so much time with that you find yourself telling your boyfriend that a one-on-one brunch was actually a group hangout, that's a major red flag.
You'll take any excuse to touch another guy
Lmao I just realized I’m a touchy ass person. I gotta feel you some type of way. Playing with ya ear, rubbing, kissing,cuddle. Anything!
— DW❤️ (@lildavieee) November 3, 2017
Personally, I'm not interested in making non-sexual physical contact with another living creature unless I'm petting a dog or seeing my parents for the first time in more than a month. But for some of you thirsties, touching someone else is a regular part of your day-to-day. What's not regular is getting up close and personal with a guy who's not your man, under the guise of being silly. Please stop giving your "best friend" a neck massage at this kickback. This isn't high school theater class, and you're being a bad girlfriend.
You re-downloaded "the apps"
Back on my bullshit ! (antidepressants & tinder)
— Haley Van Horn (@HayVanHorn) October 25, 2017
Haha, isn't it so funny that you're back on Tinder because you saw your friends swiping right on hotties and got kinda jealous? It's such a hilarious joke that you're talking to other guys on Bumble! God, it's just like so hysterical because obviously you'd never do anything with Max who went to Emerson… Even though he lives like three blocks from your apartment. And has really pretty green eyes. Hmmm.
You stop talking about your boyfriend when you meet new people
*uses Ouija Board*
Is anyone there?
Ｉ ＨＡＶＥ Ａ ＢＯＹＦＲＩＥＮＤ
— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) November 27, 2014
The idea that you have to disclose the fact that you're in a relationship when you meet anybody new is total bullshit. The fact that you specifically withhold that information when you meet a cute guy at a bar is not. When I'm dating a guy I'm seriously into, I will work the fact that he exists into literally any conversation. Am I crazy? Yes. But if you don't like your man enough to bring him up and stunt on your dental hygienist when she asks if you're flossing, maybe you should do some soul-searching.
You go to another guy with your problems before your actual boyfriend
Be careful who you vent to..
— Billionaire Mindset (@IntThings) October 31, 2017
Since your job probably isn't oversharing online, you might actually need to talk to someone instead of writing listicles or venting on Twitter to work your problems out. Sucks! If you're forgoing emotional intimacy with your partner in favor of another guy, like running to someone else when your grandma's health takes a turn for the worse or you have a shitty day at the office, you're not putting in the work to build the relationship you're already in. Sharing intense feelings with someone you're attracted to is a slippery slope, and not fair to the person you are already with.
You like to bring up other guys in front of your boyfriend
Joe makes me answer creepy DM's saying I don't have a boyfriend to see what they're saying pic.twitter.com/ONLhLIqP3T
— Eva (@asdfghjkleva_) February 5, 2017
Whether you're bringing up the dudes in your DMs after your latest Instagram story (shouts out to Avery) or talking about the transgressions of exes, bringing up other guys is only gonna make your boyfriend wonder what you aren't telling him. It's one thing if the messages are so creepy it's comical, but if you're using other dudes' advances as a way to make your man insecure, check yourself.
Finna deal wit my trauma the best way ik how…… throwing nudes out like candy until sexual attention fixes my broken brain
— nothin like u niggas (@lilbadbitches) November 3, 2017
Seriously? This is cheating. Don't be a dumbass.
On the bright side, men are apparently less impacted by emotional infidelity than women are, so if you're feeling guilty enough to confess to your boyfriend he might not be as upset as he would be by actual sex.
But that doesn't make it okay at all. If you can't commit to your partner physically, mentally and emotionally, end it. In the long run, you'll be doing him and yourself a favor.
Your #MCM has nothing on this big-dicked zoo animal
Time to dump your boyfriend for a tapir
by Nian Hu
Look, we all know that men can be unbelievably frustrating. Sure, they can be cute sometimes. But they barrage us with thirsty DMs and unsolicited dick pics, they ghost us after one date, and they use the same body wash to clean their hair and their nutsack. Hard pass. And even when we do end…
Did 3OH!3 predict hoeism’s meteoric rise?
It was definitely ahead of its time
by Amanda Ross
Allow me to paint a picture for you: it's the summer of 2008, the sun is beating down on the ginormous parking lot in which Warped Tour is held. A massive crowd of sweating teenagers in ass-cheek-revealing shorts from Ruehl (OMG remember Ruehl? That's a story for another time…) gathers in front of a main…
Should I go to Costa Rica with this wealthy older man I just met?
Or is it the plot of Taken 4!
by Harry Shukman
Imagine a mysterious and rich man met you in the park – the park! – asked you out, paid for your drinks, gave you gift cards, offered you dental surgery, and then asked to take you away to Costa Rica. Should you go? That's what one girl is asking in a relationship advice post that has to…