Your weekly love and sex horoscopes are here!
Because who cares about the rest?
Mondays suck. You're the furthest away from the weekend you'll be all week, everything everyone does pisses you off for no discernible reason and you're tired because you stayed up all night worrying about your work, your money and, of course, your love life.
But one thing you can count on every Monday is some good old fashioned horoscope reading to distract you from every other thing you should definitely be doing instead.
This week good news about a relationship will surface.
There's actually a lot more hope surrounding a potential partner than you originally allowed yourself to think, so be sure not to walk away too quickly. You're great at getting into your own head and convincing yourself it's "not possible," but this time it is.
Stop being such a little bitch about it, and face them.
This week, you're going to try too hard to impress someone you're into.
You're not acting like yourself and it's going to end up turning someone off instead of turning someone on. You would never actually post something like that on Instagram, and you look really uncomfortable in that new bra you're wearing.
The person you're gunning for likes ~chill you~, so stop trying so hard to channel someone else. It's not hot, it's just awkward.
This week is a good time for you to try speeding things up with someone.
You have a lot of good karma on your side at the moment which means it would be worth putting your neck on the line.
Expect to be rewarded soon, because there's nothing sexier than someone who makes the first move. And no, we don't mean on Bumble. This one is going to have to happen in real life (or over text — we can't all be that ballsy).
This week, you're going to make some bad choices surrounding the person you like.
You haven't been listening to other people lately and, as karma does, it's going to catch up with you and bite you in the ass. Try taking your friends and partners more seriously when they tell you things. Your own voice has been echoing around in your head so loudly, you've forgotten every good relationship consists of two sides.
This week, someone you've been eyeing is finally going to notice you.
You've been glowing and it's all about to pay off. Just don't get too far ahead of yourself and end up looking like a fool. You only seem like such a snack to them because you're confident, so play hard to get for just a bit longer before falling all over them.
It's almost always too soon to give up the game.
This week is all about the dreaded cuffing season.
You have to be super careful not to cuff yourself to the wrong person too early in the game, though. Yeah, a lot of people have been getting cuffed lately, but the winter is so long. You don't want to spend it with someone on your B list because you couldn't be bothered to wait around for A.
They're coming — you just have to be patient.
This week, you'll realize you've been looking for love in all the wrong places.
Lately, it feels like all your friends are pairing off and fucking one another as the cold weather closes all around. You can't seem to figure out where they've been stumbling into such luck, but be patient. The beginning of this week will be slow, but as we near the weekend you'll find some luck of your own.
Keep condoms on-hand.
This week, romance is going to speed up and steam up.
Even if you don't feel ready for it, you're going to come across something or someone this week you can't turn down. We know you're all about that solo life, but at least try being open to whoever it is. They could teach you a thing or two in life and bed.
Even if they're not The One, they'll bring you that much closer to them.
This week is all about leaving your past in the past.
Whoever it is you've been tripping up on lately isn't tripping up on you, which means it's time to finally close that chapter and allow yourself to move on. How do you know who else is waiting for you if you never allow yourself to look??
If things were that great in the first place, you'd probably still be with them.
This week, you might want to sit a few dates out.
Just because everyone else is out enjoying themselves doesn't mean you have to be. If all you ever do is chase love, it becomes way less fun. Don't take the magic out of it for yourself, and instead try giving it all a break. Rest up and try coming back with a fresh attitude next week.
Besides, people usually come looking for you as soon as you pull away.
This week is a perfect week for you to let your naughty side out.
You've been holding back lately because you're unsure of how that certain someone feels about you, but your confidence will be spilling over the edges by the weekend. Put some feelers out there with the person you like, and you'll almost definitely get some back.
If not, someone else would love to see you in that lingerie.
This week is going to be a really positive week for you in love.
Like I always say, people come running the second you stop noticing them, and lately you've been in hiding. But that doesn't mean everyone else hasn't been noticing you.
All of your alone time is about to pay off because there's nothing people want more than the one who doesn't want them.
Good luck out there this week, and remember, there's always a million more Mondays to fuck it all up.