This new diet stretches your stomach to maximize food intake for Thanksgiving


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This new diet stretches your stomach to maximize food intake for Thanksgiving

A three-week diet worth getting behind

Summer 2017 is nothing more than a clammy memory, laced with unfulfilling beach trips, long days waiting in line at the DMV and whole lot more back sweat than sex sweat.

But it's fall now, and with it comes a glorious weight gain fueled by staying inside all day and the pies that just seem to materialize everywhere you go. And the "Thanksgiving body" is something even the laziest of us can get behind. It's low maintenance, has the low standards to match, and will culminate in us being able to fit more food in our stomachs than we even thought imaginable.

The best part? Instead of three months, all you need is three weeks to get into the holiday shape of your dreams.

Week one is the hardest — a layover from Halloween where you can eat all of the leftover candy available in stores, introducing your stomach to the kind of stamina it'll need in the coming month. In week two, you'll get in touch with your lazy side, lounging around and getting used to couch sores. And finally, in week three, you'll prep for impending war by eating anything and everything in sight.

If you show up to the table with an un-stretched stomach, you'll fall quickly behind. Do you think people show up to hot dog eating contests having dieted for the two weeks beforehand? No. They ate because unlike you, they committed to something for once in their damn life.

It's already too late to jump on the "bikini body" trend, which means you've shown your colors once this year. Don't allow yourself to fail again. If you don't want people calling you a flake this holiday season, eating your way to November 23rd is really your only option.


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