Taylor Swift wrote a song about cheating on both Calvin Harris AND Tom Hiddleston and it’s so good

Have you bought Reputation on iTunes yet? I'll wait here while you go give Taylor your coins. In her first hour of sales, she closed 800,000 copies on iTunes alone. My Swiffer Duster Aryan Serpent Queen!

But you're here for the juice. And boy do I have it, straight from the snake's crimson lips.

Her new album is full of romantic ups and downs, but the biggest standout on the album is the Jack Antonoff-produced hit Getaway Car in which Taylor cops to doing some very bad things. But she sounds sad and remorseful, so it's OK.

Over the course of the song, she sings about cheating on Calvin Harris with Tom Hiddleston and then cheating on him with current boyfriend Joe Alwyn. A double snaking!

We're about to get deep into this shit, so stick with me here:

The song opens with an admission of guilt

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes

So we know right away she's about to admit to a crime that feeeels good. It was the best of times, remember? And then we get to this:

The ties were black, the lies were white

Shades of grey and candlelight

A black-tie event is where she met a dude with whom she'd make some morally ambiguous (or shades of grey) choices. The accepted timeline is that Tom Hiddleston and Taylor met at the Met Gala in 2016, a black-tie event she hosted.

Here's a video of them dancing at the event:

Take note of Taylor's hair here because that'll be important later. As of that night, she was still very publicly in a relationship with Calvin Harris.

Until the next few lines of the song, which go:

I wanted to leave him, I needed a reason

Sorry, Calvin! The next few parts of the song detail Tom sweeping her away on a jet-set adventure to get away from Calvin, cleanse her palette, and distract the paparazzi:

Ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Of course, Calvin was pissed! He even tried to drag them both on Twitter:

Which Taylor wrote about in another part of the song:

While he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "Go, go, go!"

But with three of us, honey, it's a sideshow

And a circus ain't a love story

And now we're both sorry (we're both sorry)

So here's where it actually gets v interesting

Taylor stabs Tom in the back and leaves him for another man she also met at the Met Gala that night! At first blush, you'd think the main refrain of the chorus is just about getting with someone who's already in a relationship. You know that saying, "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you?"

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

Part of the couplet is about that saying, as in "Think about the place in my life I was in when you met me" like, I was in a relationship. But! "Met me" is also an easter egg for Met. As in the Met Gala!

The bridge details her leaving Tom:

I'm in a getaway car

I left you at a motel bar

Put the money in the bag and I stole the keys

That was the last time you ever saw me

While that might seem like she's just dumped him, other lyrics in different songs reveal she's left him for another man.

She left him for Joe Alwyn, specifically

It's an accepted fact that Taylor also met Joe for the first time at that very same Met Gala. Here's a picture of him from the event. Take note of his hair, too:

It's buzzed for a movie role. Here's a lyric from another Reputation song, Dress:

Flash back when you met me

Your buzzcut and my hair bleached

Hmmm! Let's take another look at Taylor's hair from that night:

So there we have it. Taylor met Tom and Joe that night while she was still dating Calvin. She went with Tom, dumped him for Joe, and now we have the Greatest Song of Our Time.

Can someone check on Tom Hiddleston? I hope he's alright.

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