Here’s how to talk to your hookup about your kink
Because even Tinder hookups should get you off
by Una Dabiero
So, you met a sweet guy on Tinder, you faked interest through a sushi date, and then you started fucking. The sex has been great, but it's really lacking something. And no, this isn't a sad post on Women's Life where Margie just doesn't know why the spark isn't there.
You know exactly what's missing in this sexpisode: the weird-ass kink that manages to get you off every time.
It can be hard to tell your partners about what kinks get you there, especially if they're just a hookup who you aren't intimate with… like at all. Here's our guide to talking to your hookup about all the weird stuff you're into:
First, you have to explore what you like and realize your kinks are normal
It's a lot easier to ask for what you like in bed if you feel confident about it. Spend some time exploring your interests and getting to know your body. And once you know what you're into, know it's perfectly OK to be into it as long as its between two (or more) consenting adults.
It's good to start slow
It can be intimidating to go from 0 to 100 with a new partner, vanilla or not. Instead of hopping right to the extremes of your kink, it's probably going to be easier to start slow.
For instance, if you're into DP, it might be easier to start with fingers or toys before you suggest a threesome. The more you expose someone to something, the more comfortable they become with it. And if you'll be seeing this person for a while, there's no shame in taking baby steps.
It's easier to tell them when you're both already turned on
It can be awkward to bring up how you're super into being tied up over dinner or in the middle of a conversation about coworkers. If you're intimidated by launching this sexy conversation, try it while you're both already turned on. It's much easier to tell someone what you're into when you're whispering it in their ear during dirty talk than when they just got off the phone with their mom.
And it's especially easy to make something sound sexy when you're flattering them
So, you're both turned on and you decided to whisper in her ear that you're really into choking. Make it easier for them to picture by telling them how much you specifically want them to act out your kink with you. Tell them how good they would look doing something to you. Tell them how their body is perfect for enacting xyz fantasy.
It'll be much more appealing for them to get out of their comfort zone if they know you will be thrilled by them doing whatever dirty thing you want them to do.
If you're going to be introducing toys, try to be at your place
Let's be honest, to a lot of people it can seem aggressive if you bring a bag of sex toys to their house for a hook-up. But if you're already at your place, you can just happen to have whatever you want in your side table.
If you want to introduce toys, try to have sex at your place. You'll be more in your element in the comfort of your own bed (or couch, or kitchen table) and you'll have a lot easier time casually introducing whatever accessories you have by mentioning you own it and have been wanting to try it out.
It's ok if they're not into it, but it they mock you: leave
Not everyone has the same sexual interests,and it's both important and necessary to respect other people's boundaries. If even after your best sell your hookup isn't into your kink, that's OK. You might want to consider your sexual compatibility, but it's fine.
But if you confide in your hookup and they mock your sexual interests – or if they try to make you feel bad for what turns you on – they are an asshole who doesn't understand sexuality. And honestly, they don't deserve your time.
If you and your hookup aren't compatible, it might be easier to start talking about your kink from the beginning with your next person
Next time you're sexting with a guy before you fuck for the first time, steer the conversation towards the kink you've been holding in. Or let him know right from the first time he puts a condom on that you're into what you're into. He's either going to respect it or be an ass. And if he's an ass, he doesn't even deserve your vanilla sex.