I told guys on Tinder I was ready to get married and they were weirdly into it


babe  • 

I told guys on Tinder I was ready to get married and they were weirdly into it

Maybe this is the key

Bullshit or not, cuffing season has begun which means that the race to find the hottest person willing to watch 5 hours of Beyond Scared Straight with me is 100 percent on.

But the dating scene is exhausting and I'm kind of ready to bow out, you know? Love is confusing and tiring, and if I didn't waste so much time wondering why the He of the moment didn't watch my Instagram story I'd probably have a Nobel Prize by now or something.

I wanna find my forever. So naturally, when my editor asked if I wanted to take to Tinder and tell guys that I'm trying to get married within a year, I leapt at the opportunity and changed my Tinder bio accordingly.

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Also, a few more asked me about this dumb longboard.

Initially, I thought guys would be majorly turned off by the fact that I was using the Random Hookup App to snag a husband. But instead, I found something else entirely.

Nobody stopped talking to me after I dropped the m-bomb

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Do you guys think "archery" was an innuendo?

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This is not true. I am, knock on wood, never moving back home.

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The question remains… why Honduras?

Which, honestly, is kind of fucked up. A lot of guys thought I was being sarcastic but even so, what if I actually met up with one of these dudes with the sincere belief in my heart that we'd be spending the rest of our lives together?

Good thing I'm a transactional binch who doesn't actually care about anything!

Most guys wondered why I'm so desperate

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Classic iPhone glitch. I love a man with an 8 Plus!

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Aw, Nick, no…

Fair. I'm 22, which means that I'm the infant of the adult world right now. I can't ride a bike and have stress dreams about doing my taxes this year. Nobody deserves to be saddled with my wellbeing, ostensibly for life, except my mom and dad who chose to have me.

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Really, because I fucking hate hanging out and having a good time.

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I didn't ask!

But after the initial "why do you want to get married?" question, most guys dropped it and tried to… move on. Which must mean I'm hot. Or that their standards for sanity are pretty low. Probably, it's a little of both.

A few guys were down, and that makes me sad

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Dude put that winking face AWAY.

I feel honestly guilty for giving these guys a glimpse at matrimonial bliss, but if all it takes are a few back-and-forth Tinder messages to fall for someone, then I guess they've got a lot of disappointment ahead of them.

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Real Bonnie and Clyde hours only, who up?

The clinginess might come down to my sample size — I literally swiped right on every dude who came up, and then only baited the dudes who initiated conversation because I took an ethics class in college. Maybe, for these guys, I really did seem like a shot at love. Unfortunately, I was just getting paid. There's probably a metaphor in there somewhere.

This whole experiment really opened my eyes to how many men "out there" are open to the concept of commitment, but also to how many men I wouldn't dream of committing to. Also, if I actually went for the jugular with any of these dudes, I'm like 110 percent sure that I'd get played.

Maybe I'll just marry myself so I can get what I really want out of holy matrimony: another excuse to be rude to strange men at bars and to wear the same piece of jewelry for the rest of my life. You're all invited to my rehearsal dinner!


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