I told guys on Tinder I was ready to get married and they were weirdly into it
Maybe this is the key
by Katie Way
Bullshit or not, cuffing season has begun which means that the race to find the hottest person willing to watch 5 hours of Beyond Scared Straight with me is 100 percent on.
But the dating scene is exhausting and I'm kind of ready to bow out, you know? Love is confusing and tiring, and if I didn't waste so much time wondering why the He of the moment didn't watch my Instagram story I'd probably have a Nobel Prize by now or something.
I wanna find my forever. So naturally, when my editor asked if I wanted to take to Tinder and tell guys that I'm trying to get married within a year, I leapt at the opportunity and changed my Tinder bio accordingly.
Initially, I thought guys would be majorly turned off by the fact that I was using the Random Hookup App to snag a husband. But instead, I found something else entirely.
Nobody stopped talking to me after I dropped the m-bomb
Which, honestly, is kind of fucked up. A lot of guys thought I was being sarcastic but even so, what if I actually met up with one of these dudes with the sincere belief in my heart that we'd be spending the rest of our lives together?
Good thing I'm a transactional binch who doesn't actually care about anything!
Most guys wondered why I'm so desperate
Fair. I'm 22, which means that I'm the infant of the adult world right now. I can't ride a bike and have stress dreams about doing my taxes this year. Nobody deserves to be saddled with my wellbeing, ostensibly for life, except my mom and dad who chose to have me.
But after the initial "why do you want to get married?" question, most guys dropped it and tried to… move on. Which must mean I'm hot. Or that their standards for sanity are pretty low. Probably, it's a little of both.
A few guys were down, and that makes me sad
I feel honestly guilty for giving these guys a glimpse at matrimonial bliss, but if all it takes are a few back-and-forth Tinder messages to fall for someone, then I guess they've got a lot of disappointment ahead of them.
The clinginess might come down to my sample size — I literally swiped right on every dude who came up, and then only baited the dudes who initiated conversation because I took an ethics class in college. Maybe, for these guys, I really did seem like a shot at love. Unfortunately, I was just getting paid. There's probably a metaphor in there somewhere.
This whole experiment really opened my eyes to how many men "out there" are open to the concept of commitment, but also to how many men I wouldn't dream of committing to. Also, if I actually went for the jugular with any of these dudes, I'm like 110 percent sure that I'd get played.
Maybe I'll just marry myself so I can get what I really want out of holy matrimony: another excuse to be rude to strange men at bars and to wear the same piece of jewelry for the rest of my life. You're all invited to my rehearsal dinner!
Elon Musk didn’t have a 47th birthday party, LMS if u cried :-(
This is the saddest story you will read in 2018
by Nian Hu
I hope you're ready for the most depressing, heartbreaking story you will read this year. This is a tragedy that far outstrips all of the stories about neo-Nazis, school shootings, and deportations.Are you ready? Here we go: Elon Musk didn't have a 47th birthday party. Poor, poor Elongated Muskrat. My heart simply breaks for him.…
Your fave is probably as asshole! Here’s a master list of rude celebrity encounters
Dr Phil might have a skrong dick but HE is a complete dick
by Harry Shukman
An ocean of tea is being spilled on this delicious thread about people's worst encounters with celebs. Regular human beings are dishing on their encounters with everyone famous from Mariah Carey (nobody is allowed to make eye contact with her) to Leonardo DiCaprio (flicked a cig at wait staff) to Hillary Swank ("pretentious bitch"). Check…
Let’s talk about my weirdest obsession: The Purge and who would survive it
Knowing who would live is my greatest gift
by Amanda Ross
You know that John Waters quote emblazoned on weed-rank tote bags carried by NYU kids all over town? It’s like, “If you go home with someone and they don’t have books, don’t fuck them?” (Awful advice btw illiteracy is the wave for 2018, trust me). My version of that is The Purge. You know, that…