2017 - 2024 Tab Media IRL •
Everything you aren’t allowed to do on Snapchat if you’re a girl
No filters and no fun!
by Katie Way
It's hard being a woman on social media, because there are so many rules that you have to follow. Even on Snapchat, the most carefree platform because everything disappears in 24 hours max, it turns out there's a very strict code of conduct for girls online.
If this comes as a shock to you, don't worry. We rounded up all of the behaviors that are absolutely unacceptable to do as a person using Snapchat who is also a woman. Read up and wise up, or else some strangers online will be fucking pissed.
Don't express emotions
This is Womanhood 101, so it should come as a surprise to zero girls reading this: don't you dare let anyone else know when you're feeling something! Even though you're obviously a hyper-emotional, sensitive, feminine mess, please keep that shit to yourself.
Don't post selfies
Girls, ew, put that shit away! And by that shit, I mean your face. Can we see a picture of like, you and a group of people or something? Just mix it up. Seriously.
Don't have fun in public
Okay, I know I told you to try posting a group shot, but not like this! And especially not if you have the nerve to yell in a video, the most subtle of mediums. My ears are bleeding.
Don't drink
The drinking age might be 21, but you're NEVER old enough to drink and Snap! If I see a drop of alcohol touch your lips on your Snapstory, I immediately fling my phone across the room and call poison control.
Don't do this very cool, very specific thing
Uh, yeah, I'd for sure be mad as hell to see someone doing the coolest possible thing online. If you have videos of yourself spinning a fidget spinner in dagger-like acrylics definitely don't tweet it at me, because I would be super into it as an aesthetic flex and save it on my phone.
Don't use filters
Fuck augmented reality and fuck having fun. Filters are for liars and harlots, and Snapchat is using them to push the weird, gross narrative that animals are hot. Give me reality, un-retouched, or give me death.
Don't bite your lip
That's dangerous! What if someone bumps into you and you bite your whole lip off! Where will your filters be then?
Don't eat
I hate the idea that women need to subsist on anything other than celebrity drama and water is absolutely disgusting to me, and I insist that you do not shatter my illusion with a video of you eating. Not even if it's a sexy food, like a banana or grits.
Don't care about Snapchat
As we already went over, you're not supposed to care about anything. But you should especially not care about Snapchat and whether or not someone ignores you, because it's not like that's fundamentally rude or anything!
You know what, don't even use Snapchat
Delete the app, delete your account, sit alone in your room and think about the horrible Snap-crimes you've committed. Maybe, just maybe, if you're repentant then the Internet Police will let you back online in a few months.