Here’s what type of hoe you are based on the bra you’re wearing right now

Sometimes hoeing feels like a full-time job, and the right bra is one of the most important pieces of your dick-catching uniform. But the go-to bra in your lingerie arsenal reveals way more than just your boobs — it reveals your entire hoe strategy.

Do you live in your matching Calvin Klein set? Do you own more pushup bras than pairs of jeans? Do you roll your eyes at the thought of spending more than $20 on underwear? What does it all mean?

Find out below, in our guide to what your bra says about what kind of hoe you are, with adorable and instructive illustrations by Sophie Brampton.

Lacy bralette – The Trendy Hoe

You were already over the matte lipstick trend by the time we even discovered it. You were the first person in your group to get on The League, and from there you probably snagged an equally trendy boyfriend who works as like a restaurateur or something nauseatingly fabulous. Congrats on all the sex you're having pressed up against the windows of your high-rise — probably while your Insta-famous French bulldog watches.

Comfortable bralette – The Realistic Hoe

Your favorite position is doggy-style, but mostly because of how into it guys get when they're hooking up with you. You've never, ever had sex without a condom and thus you cannot relate to your friends’ “I THINK I'M PREGNANT” panic-texts — who needs that kind of drama? You're always crushing on one of your guy friends but you'd never actually make a move. To you, Ryan Gosling in Crazy, Stupid Love is the perfect male specimen.

Front hook bra – The New Hoe

You just discovered your hoeism, probably after a messy breakup, and now you're in that phase where you're just fucking everyone. You've still got banner notifications for Tinder, and every time you do something mildly scandalous like rimming you tell all your friends you're “such a Samantha!!!!!” but you're actually a Carrie because you never learn your damn lesson, do you?

Pasties – The Risqué Hoe

You have a Seeking Arrangements profile, several older men who "spoil" you regularly AND a vanilla boyfriend your age who still manages to pay for everything despite his really shitty salary. Thigh-high boots are practically your second skin and you likes to keep them on all the time, even (especially) during sex. You love looking in the mirror while you fuck, and might have even suggested filming the session to see where you can “improve.” You might be an actual, for-money hoe… but we're 100 percent here for it.

Strapless – The Alpha Hoe

You'll ask a guy out and then scream at him about how "pathetic" he is if he gets freaked out that you made the first move. You've pegged before, and you critiqued that one Broad City episode for its “unrealistic depiction” to anybody who'd listen. You've got a closet — not a drawer, a closet — of toys, and you'll give someone a shitload of hickeys but freak out if they try to hold your hand in public.

Pushup bra – The Instagram Hoe

You love posting a near-naked “fresh out the showerrrr” pic and then publicly blasting the thirsty dudes who comment on it. You put on 13 layers of Urban Decay setting spray, lest your Instagram eyebrows come off on your date’s pillowcases, and you'd make up an excuse to abruptly leave a date if you so much as farted in front of him. You use your oven for storage and don't totally know how to boil water. You also regularly fuck club promoters, which you fiercely deny, but like… girl, we know.

Sports bra – The Lazy Hoe

You talk a wild game on Tinder, but flee when it’s time to actually deliver. Your favorite position is spooning, but is honestly you're up for anything as long as you don’t have to put on real shoes. You still fuck your exes because it's convenient, and you're willing to fake an orgasm, then whip out your vibrator the second your date leaves. You always demands a post-sex snack, and it’s usually mac and cheese.

Corset pushup – The 'I know I'm a hoe!' Hoe

You're always giving guys unsolicited back massages in public, and will find a way to bring up her nipple piercings in literally any conversation. For instance: Guy: Yeah I just got back from deployment in Iraq. You: Oh my god, that’s so crazy, the dude who PIERCED MY NIPPLES was vaguely Middle Eastern, do you know him? You always wanna play Never Have I Ever, and when girls subtweet about other girls Snapchatting their boyfriends, they're talking about y-o-u.

Braless – The Carefree Hoe

You love being on top, and you probably lost your virginity in a dew-kissed field like Lux from The Virgin Suicides. Actually, Lux from The Virgin Suicides and Kirsten Dunst in general is your entire sexual aesthetic, and porn is the only thing you look at on your Tumblr dashboard. You always say you don't want a want a relationship, but what you really mean is you don't want a relationship with anyone who isn’t Father John Misty. You're rocking the bush, but it's hot and artsy on you.

Bra you've had since middle school – The Taken Hoe

You were the first girl in your friend group to have anal, but it was just because you'd already done everything else with your boyfriend of 2974294 years. Honestly, you don't even remember what other dicks look like anymore. You're probably having an emotional affair but swears she’s “never taken it that far,” and you always want to look at her friend’s Tinders because you're “curious.” We see you, hoe.

Find more of Sophie's art on her Facebook page.

@k80way